When East Meets West
by Br00keSc0tt
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if the crazy kids from Tree Hill met the Camdens from Glen Oak? That is exactly what happens when Haley Brooke & Peyton do a road trip and their car gets wrecked. This a comedy! Please R&R! You will love it! Updated 104 COMP
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or shows...

Co-writer: Naley4ever2004 Thank you SOOO much!

Rating: PG-13

Ok This is a story about what would happen if One Tree Hill Characters met the 7th heaven characters. It is suppose to be funny so please don't take anything I may make a character say to heart. It is all in good fun. This story is supposed to be over dramatic...so I will make the OTH people WAY more wild than they really are and the 7th heaven people WAY more prude. I do love both shows...

This starts off where One Tree Hill ended with Lucas moving to Charleston with Keith and all that good stuff. I am more of an OTH fan than a 7th Heaven fan so it is based more about One Tree Hill only because I don't watch that much 7th Heaven.

Brooke Davis sat on her bed staring up at the ceiling. It had been a long year between Lucas Scott the love of her life cheating on her with her best friend and then the whole pregnancy scare... It was more than she could handle. It was time for a change. She had all summer to do whatever she wanted. Then it hit her. Road Trip. That was all she and Peyton needed to do to make their summer awesome. She leaned over to pick up her phone and call Peyton.

"Hey friend... Guess what we are going to do this summer... I'll tell you... Road trip!" Brooke squealed into the phone.

"Are you kidding me Brooke? Don't you think we have enough to deal with without leaving Tree Hill?" Peyton whined on the other end of the phone

"Peyton... Please... Pretty please! We can bring tutor girl with us and it can be like a party, please! Besides tutor girl already said she would go so if you don't go you will be a party pooper!" Brooke begged. She knew Peyton would crack though... She always did.

"Alright... If Haley is going too... Where are we going?" Peyton asked suspiciously

"LA"

"No... Brooke..." Peyton started but Brooke broke in.

"What better way to get over our boy troubles than to take a trip to the other side of the country... No Lucas, Lots of cute boys and clubs and Brad Pitt" Brooke pleaded.

"Fine" Peyton caved

"You're the best!" Brooke said hanging up the phone. Now she just had to talk tutor girl into going... That was going to be the hard part...Haley wasn't the kind of girl to just pick up and leave on some random road trip, she had to plan things out first to make sure that everything went according to plan. But she had to try because Peyton thought she was already going.

Brooke picked up the phone and dialed Haley's number.

"Hey tutor girl! What's up?" Brooke said in her usual cheeriness

"Brooke... What did I tell you about calling me drunk?" Haley seemed annoyed

"I'm not drunk! Anyway you are coming with Peyton and I on a road trip to LA... got it?" Brooke said not giving her a choice.

"And why would I do something like that?"

"Because my grandma died and I am really sad and I have to go to the funeral?" Brooke asked.

"Try again" Haley answered.

"Because you are really cool and you make road trips fun?"

"Nope...again?" Haley said getting irritated

"Because I already told Peyton you were coming so that she would come?" Brooke said telling the truth for once.

"Bingo... But Brooke I cant just pick up and go to LA"

"Why... Nathan is at Basketball camp for 3 weeks... Tutor girl PLEASE... It will be fun! You know you want to" Brooke begged. She was really getting annoyed with the whole begging thing. It was an honor to go on a road trip with Brooke Davis and they should be happy.

"No... Right now the only thing I want to do is hit you over the head with my geography book...Wait... can we sight see on the way there?" Haley said obviously realizing that this could be fin after all.

"Uh, sure whatever... Just meet Peyton and I at my house tomorrow morning at 6:00, I will make you a fake ID tonight. Bye!" Brooke said hanging up the phone. Sex, beer, and parties... This was going to be an ok summer after all.

"Matt, Mary, Lucy, Simon, Ruthie, Sam, David... Wake up... I have made breakfast for everyone!" Annie Camden yelled through the house. It was 6:00 and all of her children had strict schedules.

Her seven children were as follows;

Matt her oldest was married to Sarah but was home for the summer while Sarah stayed in New York to take a class

Mary her oldest Daughter was married to Carlos but was down for a few weeks with their new baby.

Lucy was married to Kevin and they lived above the garage. They were getting ready to have a baby.

Simon was next and he was a handful. 18 years old and he didn't have the morals that some of her older children had.

Ruthie was a strong sophisticated girl of 14. But she could be a handful too.

Plus there was Martin who was living with them while is dad was at war in Iraq.

And then there was Sam and David, her and Eric's twins who were 5. They were angels.

She had a happy family and they were all home for 3 weeks. They could go to church and thank god for everything that they had been given. This town was the perfect place (Glen oak) to raise a family. It had their church; all the kids could hang out at the pram nod and not get into any trouble, and everyone here was a good person. All the families were good religious over all nice people and that is just how they like it.

"Who is ready for 3 weeks of non-stop sex, parties and beer?" Brooke yelled excitedly. She couldn't wait to get this show on the road. This is exactly what she needed to get over Lucas Scott. Of course she had told Peyton and Haley she was over him but the truth was it still hurt.

"And site seeing remember?" Haley added

"Sure... whatever... Oh here's your ID" Brooke said handing over the fake ID she had made her using her yearbook picture.

"Bernadette? Bernadette Lewis?" Haley asked seeing the name on her ID.

"Yup! If you have an older sounding name like Bernadette or Gretchen then they automatically think you are older than you are! Cool huh?" Brooke said very proud of herself.

"Did your parents drop you on your head when you were a baby?"

"Ha, ha... Your funny you know that..." Brooke said climbing into the drivers seat.

"Can you two stop cracking on each other for like 5 minutes while I count our money" Peyton said grabbing her wallet.

"No need... I got daddies credit card..." Brooke said flashing the platinum Visa card.

"Brooke what is the limit on that thing" Peyton asked not surprised that Brooke had once again stolen from her parents.

"Credit cards have limits?"

"Lets just get out of here before I start to regret this." Haley said climbing into the backseat.

Eric, Annie and the rest of their family sat at the breakfast table before getting ready for church.

"Did you all hear about Lisa Carter down the street? She is 16 and they caught her watching Dawson's Creek with a boy... Can you believe that?" Lucy said sipping her milk.

"I know, I know, She even missed church last week" Annie said giving the twins more pancakes.

"Not everyone lives in the perfect world of Glen oak... Some people do have parties and drink" Simon said. Sometimes he hated it when his family was like this. Sure he was a Christian and he lived by all of the rules but he knew that not everyone did.

"That's very true son... But it's our job to help people live in a better world. That is why Lucy and I are ministers and Matt is a doctor and Kevin is a cop. We help rid the world of evil." Eric said patting his son on the shoulder.

"It scares me to bring a baby into this world sometimes with it being like it is" Lucy said patting her stomach.

Brooke, Haley, and Peyton were now on their way. So far they had only stopped in the city of Greenville to get gas and load up on food and beer. Haley of course threw a fit saying that if they got pulled over that they were so dead but Peyton bought it anyway.

"Ok... so I called the Hilton and we have reservations in LA..." Haley said writing something down in her planner.

"Coolness so now we just need to find where the best clubs are... Have I told you guys I love my life lately?" Brooke asked smiling. She did love her life mostly... Of course it could be better if she had parents who actually cared and if Lucas was still her boyfriend but they didn't need to know that.

"Even with the whole Lucas thing?" Haley asked

"His loss, besides who needs a boy when I have you too and LA?"

"She's in denial..." Peyton said eating the last of the M&M's.

"Ok you don't get a say in this..." Brooke said shooting a look at Peyton.

"Right... Sorry"

"Ok back to sex, boys, and boos." Brooke giggled. She really wanted to change the subject because she knew that if they stayed at this rate she would probably say something to Peyton she would regret. This trip was for fun. Not fighting about boys.

"Mom we want to sing you a song" Sam said walking into the den after they had gotten ready for church.

"Yea sing you a song" David repeated.

"Ok boys let me hear" Annie said smiling.

"Dip it low" Sam sang

"Dip it down slow" David echoed.

"Boys! Where did you hear that?" Annie said all the blood rushing out of her face.

"Simon"

"Yea Simon was listening to it"

"SIMON!" Annie screeched.

Finally after driving for about a week they finally reached California. The drive had not been easy though. Between Peyton's driving and Haley's site seeing obsession they had had to stop almost every hour on the hour.

"I swear to god Peyton if you wreck this car I will kill you!" Brooke yelled as Peyton ran the 3rd red light that day. Peyton was the worst driver ever. Everyone knew this but Brooke and Haley were way to tired to drive so she had to let Peyton drive.

"Calm down Brooke..."

"I do want to live through this trip..." Brooke complained more

"Where are we anyway?" Haley asked waking up and looking around

"Glen Oak... Damn it!" Peyton yelled as she smashed into a mailbox.

"Peyton what the hell! Great... Just great... Its midnight and you just smashed my car... as if steeling my boyfriend wasn't bad enough" Brooke whined getting out to look at the damage.

Brooke looked around. At least were in a nice neighbor hood. The mailbox they hit belonged to a big white house that had toys in the front yard. A man was walking out the front door towards him. He wasn't old but he wasn't what Brooke had hoped for.

"Hi... Are you guys ok? My name is Eric Camden..."

Spoilers: What will happen when the Camden's meet Brooke, Haley, and Peyton? It will be interesting... PLEASE REVIEW! That's how I know what I need to change and what to keep. I love REVIEWS!!


	2. First Impressions

This chapter isn't as funny as the last one because I was trying to introduce everyone. Now that we have that taken care of next chapter should be non-stop laughs.

Brooke, Haley, and Peyton stood staring Eric. Brooke couldn't understand why he was being so nice to them considering it was midnight and they had just busted up his mailbox. Not only was he being nice he was smiling.

"I'm Brooke... Sorry about your mailbox... My friend here is kind of a REALLY bad driver" Brooke said pointing to Peyton.

"It's no problem... Where are you 3 headed so late at night?" Eric asked still smiling

"Los Angles... We needed a road trip to get away from boy issues," Peyton said glaring at Brooke.

"Oh believe me I know boy issues..." Eric started when Brooke broke in.

"Your gay? Oh that's why you smile a lot... I thought I detected something." Brooke said feeling pretty proud that she had caught on to that fact.

"Oh no, no... I have 3 daughters..." Eric said red in the face

"Right... sorry about that... Hey do you have any sons?" If they were going to be stuck in this town until her car was fixed they could at least have some hott sons.

"Um yes 4, plus Martin who is living with us right now" Eric said still a little red in the face

"Damn you have 7 kids!" Peyton blurted out.

"Please don't swear, Yes, Matt, Mary, Lucy, Simon, Ruthie and the twins Sam and David. Plus Martin"

"Twins... Hmm Peyton you like threesomes!" Brooke giggled. This was going to be fun.

"Excuse me! They are 5!" Eric shouted.

"Well Jenny might like a threesome!" Haley said smiling.

"Oh my god Peyton we have finally corrupted tutor girl!"

Eric didn't seem thrilled about this conversation.

"Right... Yea sorry about that, we're just tired... Usually we are better than this' Brooke lied. She decided that she had better be nice if she wanted to crash with these people tonight.

"How old are you 3?"

"16" Haley blurted out.

"Good Job tutor girl..." They were dead now, especially if he found the beer in the trunk.

"You 3 had better stay with us tonight... You shouldn't be out like this... Come on" Eric said walking towards the house.

This excited Brooke. She loved to corrupt people and this family sounded like it was in serious need of corrupting. If she could corrupt Haley Scott imagine what she could do to two 5 year olds...

They walked into the house through the front door. It was a nice house and very clean for them to have 7 kids.

"You three can sleep on the couch... We will worry about church clothes for you in the morning." Eric said pulling pillows and blankets out of the hall closet.

"Church?" Peyton asked

"Yes... I am the minister here" Eric answered proudly

"Wow... So your like all godish or something?" Brooke asked looking at the pictures of Jesus on the walls.

"Now you three had better get some sleep... Tomorrow will be a long day" Was all Eric said apparently not wanting to talk about it then.

Brooke, Haley, and Peyton set up the couch with pillows and blankets. Since they had left their clothes in the trunk of the car and were too tired to go and get them out they decided just to sleep in their underwear and bras promising that they would wake up early enough to get dressed.

"Mom!" Was the sound that Brooke almost jump out of her skin. She looked up to see 3 boys' people staring down at her, Peyton and Haley.

"Hi... You must be the boys?" Brooke asked covering up with the blanket

"Yea and you would be?" A blonde boy asked. He looked around maybe 18 and had an earring in his ear.

"Brooke... What's your name sexy?" Brooke asked glaring as seductively as she could. Since it was early and she probably looked like crap she could only do so much.

"Give it a rest Brooke..." Haley said crouching lower under the covers

"Si-Simon" The blonde boy said flashing her a smile. He was no Lucas but he would have to do for this trip.

"And you 2?" She asked pointing to the other 2 boys

"Matt"

"Martin"

"Great! Well there are 3 of us, and 3 of you guys... What do you say we go and get..." Brooke stopped mid sentence seeing another guy walk through the living room.

"And who are you?"

"Married...My name is Kevin" He said stopping beside Matt

"That's ok... My friend Peyton here loves taken men." Brooke giggled. Peyton didn't seem amused.

"My wife and I are getting ready to have a baby" Kevin said smiling.

"Yea... she doesn't really care about that either..." Brooke was really enjoying this.

"How old are you?" He asked looking suspicious.

"16... Why?" Peyton asked

"And your sleeping in a house with people you don't know in your bra and undies?"

"Undies... Dude...how did you get married with a vocabulary like that? She must have been a desperate virgin... Well you are hott so I guess as long as you didn't talk during sex everything would be ok" Brooke giggled more. Kevin didn't seem to find it funny.

"My wife was a virgin and proud of it... She is beautiful and is going to be a minister" Kevin bragged.

Brooke decided that it was defiantly time to shake things up here.

"Well my girlfriend Haley and I are here to get married and she is beautiful and smart!" Brooke said smiling at Haley.

"Wha..." Haley started but Peyton broke in before she had a chance to finish.

"Yea... I am the ex. Brooke brought me along as the spare" Peyton agreed with Brooke that this place was way too boring.

"Hey do you think your dad will marry us?" Haley finally asked deciding that this might be fun.

All 4 guys just stared saying nothing, 2 with their mouth's open.

"We're just playing with you... You guys are so boring..." Brooke giggled. All 4 guys let out a sigh of relief but it didn't end there.

"Do you understand the nature of the crime you have committed here?" Kevin asked seriously.

"What are you a cop?" Peyton snapped at him

"Uh... yea"

"Holy Shit!" Peyton screamed.

"I would just like to inform you that there is nothing holy about... well you know what" An older woman said walking into the room. She had dry blonde hair and was already dressed for church. 2 boys walked in behind her singing.

"Hit it brother" One said

"Dip it low..." the other one sang.

"Simon! I told you to get that song out of my sweet little boys heads" She yelled.

"The rest of you better get ready for church... I would like to talk to these ladies."

All of the children as she called them walked up the stairs to get ready leaving Brooke, Haley, and Peyton alone in their underwear.

"So... did it hurt having all of those children?" Brooke asked randomly.

"That is personal, Now I would like to talk to you three for a minute... Right now I do not have a very high opinion of you but I am hoping you will be able to change that right now. Tell me a little about your selves and why you are here?"

"Well... we are 16 and live in Tree Hill North Carolina. We are here because we all have boy troubles and we needed a few weeks of nothing but Sex, Boys and Boos and Brooke puts it" Peyton said smiling.

"Very well put Peyton" Brooke said.

"That's a joke right because please tell me that you 3 haven't had sex yet?" The woman said with a disgusted look on her face.

There was a long silence but that was all Annie needed. She knew right there that those girls were trouble and she didn't like them being in her house one bit.

"I would like you 3 to find a hotel after church today... I think that would be best for everyone"

"Non since Annie" Eric said walking into the room

"What kind of Christians would be kicking these poor confused teenagers out on the street?"

"Christians with teenage sons at home who are still virgins" Annie replied.

These people were strange. Brooke had never seen anything like this. She had thought Haley's parents were bad. This was just plain crazy!

"We promise not to sleep with any of your kids" Brooke finally said trying to sound sad and helpless. Really she had her fingers crossed and her eyes set on that Simon boy.

"Us too" Peyton and Haley both said. Haley was serious considering she was married. Peyton on the other hand had her hopes that she and that Martin boy could hook up.

"Then its settled. You guys can stay as long as you need. Here I picked out some of Lucy's dresses for you to wear to church." Eric said smiling

"We leave in 30 minutes"

Annie stood up and stormed and out the room and Eric followed her leaving the dresses. They were all greenish colors. Brooke thought they looked like something her grandmother would wear.

"Brooke you are so evil" Peyton said smiling.

"I know... It's a gift!"

Spoilers: The girls go to church with the Camden's. Brooke and Peyton set their eyes on Simon and Martin and try to corrupt Ruthie. Will Haley lose control and cheat on Nathan with a married Kevin?


	3. Church

Here is Chapter 3! Hope you enjoy it! Please if have any comments or suggestions Leave them! I need all the help I can get writing this thing! Please Review!

"Don't you think what we are doing to these people is kind of mean?" Haley asked zipping up the dress she had picked out of the three.

"No... Look tutor girl I came on this trip to have fun... and it seems like the only way I am going to have fun with these people is sleep with their son and corrupt the rest of the children!" Brooke said. She wasn't about to let Haley's conscience ruin her trip. This was to help her get over Lucas. Not to make her turn into some good Christian girl.

"Besides... These people are in some serious need of a reality check."

"Why do I feel like Paris and Nikki in the simple life?" Peyton asked putting her curly hair in a ponytail.

"Who am I then?" Haley asked feeling left out.

"You can be Tinker belle!" Brooke squealed in excitement. This was all a game for her. Real life was the school year. This was like a perverted version of Candy land.

"Don't I feel special...is it me or are these the worst dresses you have ever seen?" Haley asked looking into the mirror.

"I think your right tutor girl... We need to do something to make these dresses more... I don't know us" Brooke said pulling a pair of scissors out of the drawer under the sink.

"Brooke no... We can't cut up that girls dresses!" Peyton laughed seeing the evil look on Brooke's face.

"Come on Goldilocks. You saw how big the mom is... Do you think that girl is ever going to be skinny again after she has that baby? Besides... I will buy them new ones... Please Peyton... don't be a party pooper... be a party pee'er...Get it? Yea I don't either... Anyway... Chop, Chop Cinderella!" Brooke could barley contain her excitement. This beat getting plastered at a bar any day!

The three girls spent the next 10 minutes cutting, and chopping and ripping until their masterpieces were complete.

Haley cut her dress in a pretty simple fashion. She cut the arms off so that it was now a tank top; she shortened the skirt and lowered the neckline.

Peyton decided to go a little more rock and roll by making slits all over the dress in random places. She also cut out the whole back and cut the words "Slave to Brooke" on the bottom.

Brooke on the other hand decided to go hog-wild cutting the dress in half. Making the bottom half a mini-skirt that she made sure was short enough to show her lovely smiley face thong and the top half was a strapless belly shirt.

"Brooke... Can we say Paris?" Peyton laughed

"Well I figured that if I was going to act like her I should dress like her too!" Brooke said modeling her very hoochy attire.

"Well you did a good job!" Haley laughed.

"Ok well he had better go... Church awaits us!" Peyton said opening the bathroom.

"Now if these out fits don't makes these boys squirm I don't know what will" Brooke giggled walking out into the den.

"Maybe their like those Amish people... Only family members do it for them."

"Well I will tell you one thing... That Simon boy is mine by the time we leave here" Brooke smiled

"So this means you're over Lucas?" Haley asked unsure

"I don't have to be over Lucas to corrupt this Simon kid do I?"

"Guess not"

"Brooke, Peyton, Haley, We have to leave" Eric yelled from the kitchen.

"We're coming oh lordship..." Brooke yelled back

Brooke, Haley and Peyton walked into the kitchen to see the whole Camden family dressed all neat and conservative.

"I want a dress like that mom!" The youngest girl said pointing to Brooke. She was no more than 14 but was dressed the way Brooke may dress a 2 year old.

"What are you three wearing!" Annie screeched covering the twin's eyes.

"Hermionie here thought that the dresses weren't quite well us" Brooke said pointing to Haley

"True I did say that but Lord Voldemort here decided to cut the dresses up" Haley said quickly pointing to Brooke.

"Who are Hermionie and Lord Voldemort?" Lucy asked looking just as confused as everyone else.

This really was crazy. They had never even read Harry Potter! Brooke had read all 5 books. Even if she had twisted them and made them out to be as perverted as possible she had still liked them and read them.

"Harry Potter, Duh...Hey Simon, Do you have a Harry potter or a Moby Dick?" Brooke asked looking seductively over at the poor blonde boy who was looking so very confused.

"Brooke!" Peyton and Haley squealed in laughter.

"What? I was just wondering... Everyone is different. I mean take Lucas for example, He has a" Brooke started but Peyton and Haley both shut her up.

"We don't need to know about Lucas's you know what" Haley said almost in a whisper

"You three are in desperate need of some godliness and refinement! Where are your parents?" Lucy said, her face turning blood red with anger.

"Last time I checked they were still alive... Yea because they sent me some cash last month" Brooke said in amusement. She didn't care if her parents were around or not. They would just leave again. In Peyton's famous words "Everyone leaves"

"So your parents don't live with you? Awesome!" Ruthie said trying to shorten her dress.

"Nope... I am on my own. It's awesome actually... I get to go on fun little road trips like this!" Brooke said in excitement. She loved this. The lost confused and disgusted looks on their faces made it all worth it.

"Come on children. We need to go" Annie said pulling the twins to her side.

Brooke, Haley, Peyton, and all the Camden's minus Mary who was dealing with a sick baby piled into their 24-passenger van. Brooke, Haley, and Peyton stuck in the very back next to the twins.

"Do you want to hear a song?" Sam asked smiling

"Yea do you want to hear a song?" David repeated.

"Why don't I teach you a new song?" Brooke asked grinning

"Okay" both the twins agreed.

"Ok it's is called Boys and Beer are fun! I made it up myself"

"Ok before we start you need to know that Beer makes people smarter... Do you know why?" Brooke asked talking to them like they were infants.

"No" They both said

"Because it made Bud Wiser... Get it? ... Ok back to the song it goes like this

If you don't drink beer... You may be queer

If you don't like boys than your defiantly queer

Boys and Beer are fun!

Boys and Beer are fun!

Beer can make you smart

You can break a boys heart

Boys and Beer are fun!

Boys and Beer are fun!

Boys like Brad Pitt can be really hott

But Beer can make them look hott when their really not

Boys and Beer are fun!

Boys and Beer are fun!

"What were you smoking when you made that up?" Peyton asked trying to contain her laughter.

"I wasn't... Lucas was pretty plastered though" Brooke giggled

"Boys and Beer are fun" Sam sang out

"Beer makes you smart" David sang out right behind him

"Ok you two here's what I want you it to...Don't sing the song until you get into Sunday school and then you can sing it to everyone!" Peyton giggled joining in on the fun.

"Okay we will wait" San said

"Yea we will wait" David echoed.

"What kid... do you like copy everything your brother says?" Haley asked David. It was driving her crazy that the kid didn't have an opinion of his own on anything. ''

"Mommy says I speak words of the devil on my own" David said looking down at his shoes.

"We're here" Annie yelled from the front of the van.

Everyone piled out and stood outside the van waiting for Eric to tell them where to go.

"Alright Sunday school is first. Everyone you know where to go. Haley, Brooke and Peyton you will be in Simon's Sunday school class. Maybe you will learn something." Eric said.

"Or maybe I will turn into a man" Peyton mocked. She hadn't had anything to do with church since her mother had died and she really didn't want to start now.

"What's the matter? You don't think Sunday school is going to be fun? Come on lets go and make some trouble.

The three girls followed Simon and Martin into a small room filled with giggling teenagers.

"You know what I heard? I heard that Mary Collins said the work Sucks in class" Brooke heard a young girl whisper to her friends.

"Alright lets get started" The teacher said walking into the classroom. She was a tall lanky woman no more than 25. She had bleached blonde hair and was wearing a floral dress.

"Today we are going to play a game... It is called 'How I will serve god'" She smiled

"I have a better idea" Brooke said smiling.

"How about we play a fun game of 'I've Never'"

"I've Never? I am always open to new ideas on how to worship... How do you play?" The teacher asked.

"Well it is kind of like communion... We are going to need some whine..." Brooke said walking over to the small refrigerator grabbing cups and 3 bottles of old whine that must have been used for someone's wedding. She poured everyone a full cup and then handed them out.

"Ok so it goes like this... I would say "I've never eaten tofu" and then everyone who has would take a sip."

The whole class smiled at the new game not knowing the true use of it.

"Ok I'll go first. I've never been to Sunday school" Brooke said knowing that everyone in the room was going to have to take a sip. And they did.

"Ok my turn. I've never had sex more than once in a day" Peyton said looking over a Brooke

"I dated Lucas! That isn't fair!" Brooke whined but took a sip.

From then on they asked pretty common questions so that by the time it was for church everyone in the room except for Brooke, Haley, and Peyton had had at least a cup and ½ of whine. This was probably the first time any of them had ever drunken because they were all slobbering drunk.

The bell rang for them to head down to the congregation area and the class piled out falling all over each other and giggling.

"Hey Sexy..." Brooke called to Simon as he was walking out.

"Yea," He asked in a daze.

"What do you say you and I skip church and go have us some good old dirty fun.

"I can't get these clothes dirty... My mother would kill me" He sad almost laughing.

"Who says you have to wear your clothes?" Brooke giggled and Peyton decided it was time for her to join in.

"Hey you Martin... You wanna join?"

"Sure..." He said wobbling over to Peyton.

"YAY! This is so much fun! Now we just need a guy for tutor girl here... You guys have any friends?" Brooke asked in excitement.

"No... You guys I love Nathan... I couldn't cheat on him." Haley pleaded.

"So what! I love Lucas and this isn't stopping me" Brooke said then realized what she had just admitted.

"Whoa you love Lucas!" Peyton and Haley both blurted out.

"No... I... I... Come on Simon lets go have Sex!"

Spoilers: What happens when Lucas, Nathan, Tim and Whitey join in on the fun? Will Brooke sleep with poor innocent Simon? What will Peyton and Haley do? FIND OUT!!

Please Review!


	4. Brooke

OK I have an unbelievably bad cold and I feel really bad lol so it was kind of hard to be funny this chapter but I tried! I has discovered if I post like 1 chapter very other day they turn out funnier because it gives me more time to find funny stuff so that is probably what I am going to do from now on. Hope you like this chapter!

Brooke drug Simon out of the church followed closely by Haley, Peyton, and Martin. She wasn't about to let them catch her. So what if she still had a tiny thing for Lucas Scott. How could she not? He had been the only one who was ever there for her... Plus the sex was great.

"Wait... We have to go to church" Simon said stumbling along behind Brooke.

"Brooke wait... This isn't some summer game... This is reality!" Haley yelled trying to catch up.

"Reality is for people with no imagination!" Brooke giggled. She couldn't wait to get this boy into bed. He was so innocent and sweet. Just the way she liked them. That way they didn't care what she did. Everything was new to them and she could blow their minds. Then of course they would treat her like a queen. That is unless they were Lucas Scott. Then they would just cheat on her. But that was the thing that drew her to him, the fact that sex wasn't everything to him. What was she thinking? Of course sex was everything to him or he wouldn't have wanted 2 women at once!

"Brooke!" Peyton yelled finally catching up with her.

"Look Striparella... Here's your chance to corrupt some unsuspecting drunk boy... Don't fight it... Just join the fun!" Brooke said coaxing her friend

Brooke pulled Simon into the van and started taking his shirt off. This was what she had waited for. This poor boy wasn't going to know what had happened to him.

"Stop right there" Brooke heard a voice behind her say. It was Annie. She had her hand clenched together praying to god and mumbling what Brooke thought was a bible verse.

"And where do you think you are going Simon?" She asked grabbing his hand and pulling him away from Brooke.

"I...Uh...Well Brooke and I were uh..." Simon started but Brooke finished it for him.

"We were going to have hot sex in the back of your van...Simon's idea not mine"

Annie just stood there in silence for a minute. This girl was probably the most despicable person she had ever met. All she seemed to care about was "love making" and drinking. Where were this poor girls parents in her time of need. Annie knew if she didn't act fast then Brooke was going to have serious explaining to do to the lord when she died and reached the pearly gates.

"Haley, Peyton, Martin, Simon... I would like the 4 of you to go into church right now! Brooke here and I are going to have a nice conversation." Annie finally said with her teeth clenched.

Haley, Peyton and the 2 boys walked slowly up to the church leaving Brooke and Annie alone in the parking lot.

"Come on Brooke... Lets take a drive" Annie said climbing into the front seat of the van.

"Don't you need to go to church and praise god or something?"

"I have a feeling this is what god wants me to do today..." Annie said driving out of the parking lot.

Lucas, Nathan, and Tim all 3 stood on the basketball court at their camp. They had already been there a week and they were defiantly bored out of their minds.

"So... My woman called me today and left a message... Apparently she, Brooke and Peyton are stranded in a town called Glen Oak about 100 miles from here." Nathan said passing the ball to Lucas.

"Brooke, Haley and Peyton all three in California... What the hell are we waiting for! Lets go find them!" Tim said in excitement.

"We can't just leave Tim... This is camp..." Lucas complained knowing how much trouble they could get in and he had been in enough of that this year.

"Dude... Aren't you tired of looking at computer porn and magazines? Brooke and Peyton are here! Now stop screwing around and lets find us some chicks!"

Peyton, Haley, and the 2 boys walked into the church and found a seat. It was crowded and people were staring.

"I guess we can get started now" Eric said opening his bible and saying something about Noah's ark.

After about 20 minutes of listening to him talk Haley finally raised her hand to ask him a question. The whole church let out a noise as Haley's hand went into the air.

"I have a question" She said shyly.

"Yes..." Eric said obviously annoyed and ready to get back to worship.

"Ok so Noah brought 2 of each animal... A boy and a girl so that they could replenish the earth...so then those animals had babies' right... So then did they have to have babies with their brothers and sisters to keep it going? Isn't that like incest or something?"

Brooke and Annie pulled into a small parking lot with a sign saying Pete's Pizza. From the looks of things this place was a lot like this towns version of Karen's café. It was small and homey.

Annie and Brooke walked into the building and found a seat.

"Now... Tell me about your life so that hopefully after I have heard it I will not want to pass judgment on you" Annie said sitting down in her side of the booth.

"First of all before we start I just thought I should let you know that the back seat of your van is very messy." Brooke said trying her best to find this woman's sore spot.

"You know what they say... Kids in the backseat cause accidents." Annie laughed.

"Yea and accidents in the backseat cause kids" Brooke giggled

"Why does everything with you have to do with Sex or drinking? Shouldn't you go to some kind of rehab or something?" Annie asked with a very serious look on her face.

"Rehab is for quitters... Besides... I am not addicted... I just do it for fun, especially during the summer time. During the school year I have a 3.8 GPA, which I have to say, drives tutor girl insane! Plus last year I had a steady boyfriend for part of the year until he decided to go all Bill Clinton on me. All men are idiots and I dated their king"

"So you two aren't friends anymore? You know I am a big preacher of forgiveness. It makes our world a better and more beautiful place." Annie preached.

"No... Well I might have forgiven him until we had the whole pregnancy scare... and he called me a slut. Then I just focused on making his life hell. That was fun." Brooke giggled. Part of her was hurting talking about this and the other part was getting pure satisfaction remembering what a good job she had done making him miserable.

"So you have made love with another man? What fun is it going to be when you are 21 or married? You will have nothing to look forward too except knowing all of the sins that you have committed. Are you trying to be seen badly in Gods eyes because if you are it is working!" Annie said almost in a yell.

"When I am 21 I will finally legally be able to do everything I've been doing since I was 15." Brooke said smiling.

Annie knew it was defiantly time for a new approach. This was going to be a lot harder than she had thought.

"What about friends? What do friends mean to you? Do you have any real ones?"

"Friends help you move house. Real friends help you move bodies... Haley and Peyton are real friends... well except for the part where Peyton stole Lucas from me... That whore... But we are over it now" Brooke said in her usual cheeriness as if none of it had really mattered.

"Can I ask your opinion on something?" Annie asked now starting to get red in the face. It was driving her crazy that she wasn't getting through to Brooke. She taught the word of god to everyone and Brooke was not going to be the one to break the cycle.

"Sure... Everyone is entitled to my opinion"

"What do you think of that nice young man sitting over there? Isn't he cute?" Annie asked pointing to a boy about Brooke's age who was severely over weight and had terrible acne.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder... Personally I don't think there is enough beer on this planet to make that guy look cute"

"Why do you feel the need to act like this? Jesus loves us all no matter how we look or act... But he may have some issues with you" Annie said now a bright pink.

"Look lady... Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you are weird." Brooke said giggling. Of course she didn't mean half the stuff she was saying to this woman but it was just so much fun to see her mad.

"This has to be the doing of Sex on television. I have tired to get all of those TV shows off so many times" Annie sand shaking her head.

"Sex on television cant hurt you...unless you fall off. That could be a problem"

"What bothers me is most young ladies that I see what have been through what you have are in depression. But you... You act as if none of it matters" Annie said looking down at her cup of water.

"Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. I am a cheerleader so I am always enthusiastic! Therefore I don't get depressed. Hints why my ex called me Cheery!" Brooke said all excited. She was slowing tearing this woman apart! This trip had turned out way better than she ever thought.

"So you actually like all the drama in your life? Sex and beer and corrupting perfectly sweet children... I hope you will like Hell too." Annie said. This was the last straw. She couldn't take it anymore.

"If anyone has messed up those children its you... They will resent you for the rest of their lives once they are older and see what is out there. Haven't you ever heard the saying 'be nice to your children- they choose your nursing home?" Brooke asked in amusement.

"Yes I have and my motto is 'the family that lays together stays together,'" Annie said proudly.

"Ok Pacey... Mine is 'one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor' but in a way they are alike... in both someone always ends up passed out of the floor." Brooke said. She wondered what Haley and Peyton were doing right now. Hopefully something just as destructive as she was.

Spoilers: Lucas, Tim, and Nathan start their road trip to find the girls. Tim meets the girl of his dreams... hahahaha.... Will Brooke ever get with Simon and will Peyton get with Martin? What does whitey have to do with the story? FIND OUT SOON! Please review! If you are reading this on I changed me settings so anyone can review!


	5. Conversation

Ok this chapter is building up to a big chapter... Hope you like it... It's hard to be funny hahahahaha SO I am not sure how well I did on this chapter... But I hope you like it! Please Review!

"Where the hell did that woman take Brooke?" Peyton asked. She and Haley had to wait with the rest of the Camdens until Annie and Brooke came back with the car and it was getting really old really fast.

"Who knows... Why you worried?"

"About who? Brooke or Psycho lady?" Peyton laughed.

"That is my mother you are talking about! Is it that hard for you to show respect to your elderly?" Lucy asked.

"Hey... isn't Lucy short for Lucifer? And wasn't that the devils name?" Haley asked smiling.

"Daddy... She is picking on my pretty name" Lucy cried running over to Eric and burying her face in his chest.

"Its ok snookims... I know what will make you feel better... it will make everyone feel better... How about a round of Jesus loves me." Eric said.

"No daddy.. We want to sing Beer is fun" David said... for once not copying his brother.

"David! What have we told you about speaking for yourself? You speak the words of the devil and we wont have it!"

"How much longer is this going to take?" Kevin asked Haley looking down at his watch.

"Well... Brooke is like a crazed Energizer Bunny. She keeps going and going and going..." Haley responded

"Yea... I can see it now. Energizer Bunny arrested... Charged with Battery" Peyton laughed. The truth was there was no telling what Brooke was doing to this woman.

"Hey you guys... what's up" A blonde girl said walking up to Simon and kissing him on the cheek.

"And you are?" Haley asked. Brooke was going to have a field day with this girl.

"Cecelia... Simon's girlfriend... Isn't that right Simy Wimy?" Cecelia cooed.

Haley and Peyton both looked at each other. They needed to get out of this town fast... before Brooke had all 3 of them banned from the state of California.

"I got the new Backstreet Boys CD Simon... Do you wanna listen to it with me?" Cecelia asked smiling.

"Ugh... Boy Bands. The Spawn of Satan" Peyton mouthed. This town really was screwed up if they were still listening to Backstreet boys.

Brooke and Annie sat in the booth for a minute both silently plotting their next attack. Right now the score was Brooke 4 Annie 0 and Brooke loved this. Now it was time to seal the deal, but before Brooke could strike Annie hit hard.

"So... Lucas... He liked this Peyton girl better than you? Why did you like him? Was he rich or something?" Annie asked knowing she had struck a sore spot.

"Well you know what they say... A fool and his money are a girl's best friend. But no, Lucas didn't have any money. He did look good naked though... Especially in the hot tube... I miss that" Brooke giggled. The question had struck Brooke by surprise but she couldn't let anything get to her... No matter how much it hurt.

"The hot tube? Tell me have you ever gone on a date and just not had sex?"

"Well... When I bought Lips that one time at the boy toy auction, we didn't have sex... Of course I thought I was pregnant at the time with Lucas baby... But yea if that counts then I have." Brooke said hoping more than anything she would ask what they did.

"And what did you and Lips do?"

"His name is Mouth actually and we went to a strip club and got lap dances..." Brooke said excitedly. That had been a fun night up until she had had to tell Lucas.

"Fine... We are making progress... Gosh help me"

"Gee, Golly! Did you know that Heck is for people who don't believe in gosh? Come on lady... You have to live some! Don't you ever go to one of those bars with a sign that says "Guys: No, Shirt, No Service – Gals: No Shirt No Charge?" topless just to see if they are telling the truth?" Brooke asked. She couldn't let her win. Never would she be turned godly and into a church going Amish like person.

"No I don't and from this conversation that we have had all I have gotten is that you are a... Slut" Annie said in a slight whisper.

"Hey, I'm a reformed slut thank you... and don't act all saintly and inexperienced when it comes to sex... You're the one walking around with 7 children not me! Didn't your mother ever tell you it was easier to slip off a condom than change a diaper?"

"How dare you! Each and everyone of my children are a blessing and a gift from god" Annie said getting mad again.

"Yes and the gift god gave me was a nice rack so that I can have any guy I want... Besides those children of yours all have some serious issues."

"My children are not the issue here... The issue is you... what are you going to do after high school. Dont you want to be a doctor or a pharmacist or something?" Annie asked cooling down and placing her hands on Brookes.

"Um... No... I am going to be a bartender... I mean they are after all just a pharmacist with limited inventory" Brooke giggled. After a slight slip she was back in the lead.

"I give up... You are the most despicable human being I have ever met and you obviously do not care in the least bit how your life is spent... Your will pay one day when the lord calls you up to heaven and you have not done your share of good favors for him." Annie said slamming her hands down on the table.

"So I am guessing Sexual favors don't count?"

Lucas, Tim and Nathan drove down the empty road. 100 miles and they were there.

"Right dudes... so remember don't come knocking if the car is rocking" Tim said dodging a cat.

"Yes we know Tim." Lucas and Nathan both said.

"Oh and Tim Don't drink and park... accidents cause people." Lucas laughed. Tim had had more DWI's than he had had birthdays... So now he had resorted to just sitting in the car with a bumper sticker saying "Don't laugh, your daughter may be in the back"

"Your funny man... really funny... No wonder you lost both chicks..."

"Well I am just glad I have my woman" Nathan said smiling proudly

"Dude... she is hanging out with Brooke and Peyton... I bet she isn't your woman anymore..."

Finally after waiting an hour for Brooke and Annie to get back they drove up. It was killing Haley to know what had happened. Brooke was tough but Annie looked that way too. They both fought for what they believe in... whether it was god or sex... That's just how it was.

"Well I do have to say this has been a day without sunshine" Eric said seeing the van pull up.

"Isn't a day without sunshine like... I don't know night?" Peyton asked

"This isn't a time for jokes... This is a time for healing and rejoicing and praying that your friend is going to be ok."

"Hey Culry, Moe, Guess what I just did! I'll tell ay! I just went through my whole life story with the psycho bitch... Fun fun!" Brooke said in a sarcastic cheery voice.

"So did you learn anything?" Haley laughed.

"That I am awesome... It's that simple... What about you 2... and who is that?" Brooke asked pointing to Cecelia.

"Uh... That is Simon's girlfriend..." Peyton choked out. Brooke did not look pleased.

"Oh really... Well not for long... He's mine!" Brooke said making her way over to Simon and putting his arm around him.

"Hey there Sexy, She your hoe?"

"Excuse me!" Cecelia yelled

"Oh my god your not? Oops my mistake... I just thought with those roots... yea... So... What are you and my sexy boyfriend talking about?" Brooke asked running her fingers through Simons hair. She was trying so hard to contain her laughter. The more she knew about this boy the less she wanted to date him, but she didn't want anyone else to either. Plus this girl was really bothering her. She looked like some teenybopper wannabe.

"Simon! What is she talking about, you're my boyfriend!" Cecelia yelled at Simon.

"Yea well maybe he finally learned that Blondes tease but brunettes please... Don't they Gorgeous?"

"Simon! You slept with her!" Cecelia yelled even louder this time stomping her feet. Everyone standing outside stopped what they were doing and looked over at a very confused Simon.

"Simon! How could you not tell me about her! I though we had something special! I thought you loved me!" Brooke yelled back just to make a scene.

"Wait... I didn't.. I..." Simon stuttered.

"Look... I have an attitude and I'm not afraid to use it" Cecelia said throwing her hands up.

"Oh I'm so scared... I am shaking in my little space boots..." Brooke giggled. This was interesting. For as second she felt bad for Simon... but that second passed quickly.

"Hey... We have to go" Haley said dragging Brooke away from Cecelia.

"But.. But Tutor girl.... I wanted to fight the scary blonde! I need to keep the world safe for us brunettes... Please...." Brooke begged.

"Come on Bruce Lee..."

"Wait there is one last thing I want to say....Simon... She is your father" Brooke said in a Darth Vader voice.

"What the hell was that?" Peyton laughed

"Yea... I don't know... These people don't know me... Plus I have always wanted to say that... Come on try it... Say something you have always wanted to say... Its fun!"

"Hmm... I know... Simon... May the force be with you" Peyton said crouching down like Yoda.

"YAY!! Ok Tutor girl... Your next!" Brooke giggled.

"Auntie Em... auntie Em!" Haley yelled.

"Right... not exactly what I was going for but you have to start somewhere"

"Girls... Get in the van. As soon as we get home I will be calling the repair shop to get your car. Until then you will be staying in the garage apartment that Annie built so that you do not corrupt my children anymore." Eric said sternly

"But daddy we like Brooke..." Sam said pulling on Eric's pocket

"Not you too son!" Annie said grabbing Sam and pulling her close to her chest.

"Aw... I feel so loved! I like you too Sam! Maybe we can go out sometime" Brooke joked waving. At least she had managed to corrupt the twins.

"Dear god please deliver us from this evil, Dear god please deliver us from this evil." Lucy repeated over and over.

"I wish I could kill the sexiest person alive but suicide is a crime" Brooke said looking at Peyton.

"That was random..."

"Yea... I was thinking that when I was having to look at PB's face the whole time she was lecturing me." Brooke said almost in a daze.

"PB?" Haley asked amused at Brooke's craziness. She wasn't even drunk and she was like this.

"Yea... Psycho Bitch..."

"I will tell you one thing... I am never having children if it means looking like her" Peyton said looking disgusted.

"I am... The world needs little Brooke's running around... To keep it from going to the dogs... Besides I have always wanted to buy those cute little outfits."

"You... a mom? Right" Haley and Peyton both said at almost the same time.

"What? I would be a good mom!" Brooke said walking towards the van with Peyton and Haley.

"Brooke..."

"I would and one day I will show you... With Lucas's baby... what the hell Simon's too!" Brooke said laughing. She was kind of hurt that they didn't take her seriously on this...'

"Whatever" Haley giggled

Tim, Lucas, and Nathan drove down the road...

"Oh My God Tim, stop! What is that? I think its Buddha!" Lucas yelled seeing something huge in the road.

"No man! Its Whitey!" Nathan said as soon as the car slowed.

"Hey Whitey man... What's happening dude? I knew you had a seeing problem but this is the middle of the road..." Tim said out the window.

"I know that you idiot! I am waiting for a cab" Whitey said shaking his head

"Dude... You know this is California right... Not Tree Hill" Tim said in a baby voice.

"Yes... I was here to see my son but it turns out he isn't here... I am scared to ask but can you three give me a ride home?"

"Dude... Maybe you should walk... I think your waist line is like expanding by the minute." Tim said. Lucas and Nathan decided it was better if they stayed out of this conversation.

"Just let me in!"

"Alright dude... but you should know we are going to get laid before going back home... Camp sucked." Tim said.

"All right! Glen Oak here we come!"

Spoilers: What happens when Peyton and Martin get left alone? Hahahahahhaha Brooke, Haley, and Peyton throw a party in the garage. Ruthie admits something very strange and important to Haley. Brooke has more fun with Cecelia. Tim, Whitey, Lucas, and Nathan show up and Tim finds the woman of his dreams... Hahaha a it is going to be great! Please Review!!


	6. Beer

This is chapter 6! I was totally out of Funny in the chapter I felt like. So sorry if it isn't that funny... I tried! I also tried to include the other characters more too. Hope you like it and Please review!

"Ok now this is where you will be staying until your car is fixed. You may have meals with us but that is it" Annie said taking them to the garage apartment.

"Woa... We could throw a killer party here!" Brooke said seeing how big and spacey the apartment was.

Annie put on a stern look but didn't say anything. They all knew what she meant though.

"Brooke... Maybe we should give these people a break..." Peyton said after Annie had walked down stairs in disgust.

"Ok I am going to pretend you didn't just say that..." Brooke said scoping out the room

"Brooke... I mean... your being more than just difficult now..."

"Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible! I figured Lucas had at least told you that one... I told him that all the time" Brooke said grabbing her pocket Book.

"Tutor girl and I are going to hit the store for Kegs and fun stuff like that... You might wanna stay here and start thinking more like me...."

"Whatever..." Peyton said walking over to the couch.

Brooke and Haley were walking down stairs when they realized that they didn't have a car.

"Great... what know?"

"Well... I guess we could borrow a car... I mean there are 4 cars here. Which one do you like best?" Brooke giggled.

"Brooke... its illegal to steal a car!" Haley whispered

"Nothings illegal until you get caught."

"You know... you are going to get us kicked out of this state until we are 21" Haley said in frustration.

"Well there are like 47 more where this one came from," Brooke said walking to the front yard towards the sports car that was in the driveway.

"48 Brooke...if you don't count North Carolina"

"Right... hey isn't that that Matt dude?" Brooke asked pointing to Matt who was standing staring at the road.

"Brooke... No, he is married" Haley laughed

"I don't want him...Ok well I want him a little bit but I really want his car" Brooke said eyeing the sports car one more time.

"And what makes you think he is going to let us use his car? How do we even know he has a car"

"It goes like this tutor girl... See it, Want it, Have a fit, get it. It's very simple... Plus it worked wonders with Lucas, come on" Brooke said grabbing Haley's hand and dragging her towards Matt.

"Hey there sexy... Wanna do us a favor?"

"Well that depends... are you going to try and seduce my little brother anymore?" Matt asked smiling

"No she wont I promise... we will put her in restraints if we have too, we just need your car" Haley blurted out.

"Good job Polly... Look we just need a ride to the ABC store... We'll do anything!" Brooke begged.

"Anything? Will you look around you? This is reality... not The Osborne's"

"Reality is a nice place, I just wouldn't want to live there...besides I was thinking more of The Simple Life..." Brooke giggled.

"Fine... but if this gets out I will deny it."

"YAY! Thank you! You are the bestest!! We love you! Since you are so cool I guess you can come to our super secret party tonight..." Brooke said excitedly. Maybe she was going after the wrong guy.

"Right... lets just go before someone sees us" Haley said getting nervous.

Peyton sat on the couch waiting for Brooke and Haley to get back. She felt kind of bad for the way she had acted towards Brooke, after all this was Brooke's trip to help her get over what Lucas and she had done to her.

"Can I come in?" Peyton heard a voice say from the stairs.

"Sure" Peyton yelled.

Martin walked up the steps and sat down next to Peyton.

"So... That Brooke girl is crazy..." Martin said nervously. Peyton could tell he was trying really hard to be casual and cool.

"Yea... she's one of a kind."

"Wanna have sex?" Martin blurted out

"What!!! Are you kidding...Sure why not? I have done everything else on this trip."

Brooke, Haley and Matt stood at the checkout.

"What do you mean overdrawn? I still have checks left!" Brooke whined to the cashier.

"Ma'am I am sorry you have $400 dollars worth of alcohol here... and nothing in this account."

"Fine... That's ok... I have a credit card..." Brooke said handing him her card and ID.

"So... you having a party tonight?" the cashier asked handing Brooke her card back.

"No, I am a raging alcoholic and its all for me, duh... yes party"

"Well I asked my mirror this morning if I was going to meet a beautiful girl and have sex today and it said yes" The cashier smiled

"Dude... mirrors cant talk. Luckily for you they cant laugh either"

"My name is Jed... remember it, you'll be screaming it later" He said winking at her and walking out from behind the counter.

"Jed... word of advice, tell your pants it's not polite to point" Brooke said patting him on the shoulder.

"Oh my god Brooke!"

Brooke and Haley turned around to see two of her Cheerleading friends Deanna and Jordan.

"Oh my god! Girls what are you doing here?" Brooke squealed dropping her bags and hugging them both.

"Oh you know... our usual corrupting." Deanna said smiling

"You two are so evil! I am so proud! But for real what are you doing here?"

"My grandfather or someone died... we're here to claim the cash" Jordan laughed.

"And apparently you already have" Haley said pointing to their bags.

"Don't you guys want to come to a party tonight? It is going to be killer!"

"Well we have to go and kill this dude named Jesse... That will probably only take an hour" Deanna said looking at her watch.

"Well then we have to hide the body and evidence... So that is another hour" Jordan said counting something on her fingers.

"But we can come after that!" Deanna squealed!

"Can I come too?" Jed asked.

"Oh right I forgot to tell you... Your village called, their idiot is missing." Jordan said giving Jed an evil look.

"But"

"You... Out of the gene pool ok... Ugh I need me coffee!" Deanna laughed.

"YAY!! Ok see you guys there... Oh by the way... its BYO guy... this place is kinda short on them." Brooke said hugging the girls one last time and walking out to the car.

"Tim... we're lost"

"Dude... The Tim mister doesn't get lost" Tim complained.

"Man, stop stealing names from American wedding and come up with your own already" Lucas said shaking his head.

"What is better than the Tim Mister?" Tim asked confused

"I don't know... maybe idiot?" Nathan laughed.

"Boys, boys, boys... Now there is plenty of time to get there... lets just enjoy the ride" Whitey said laying back.

"Dudes... we're so getting Whitey laid." Tim said swerving so he wouldn't hit a nun.

"Man who is gonna lay Whitey?" Nathan asked

"That's a tough one" Lucas agreed.

"Would you 3 stop talking about me like I'm not here... besides... Who says I even want to get laid."

"Whitey, Man, we're getting you laid.

"Peyton.... Oh Peyton" Brooke sang to the tune of Lassie.

"Oh my god Brooke's home" Peyton said looking over at Martin who was crying.

"That was the most beautiful thing" He whaled.

"Yea I'm sure it was but now we have to get dressed, my friends are back."

Oh my god I'm scared for life!" Haley yelled walking into the room.

"Brooke, Haley, it's not what it looks like"

"So you didn't just have sex with Martin?" Brooke asked not all bothered by the lack of clothes.

"Ok it is what it looks like"

"Aw! Go Peyton! Ok just ignore us... we are going to set up. You two finish doing what you were doing... but remember Learn from our parents mistakes... use birth control." Brooke said in all seriousness sitting down on the couch.

"Brooke... maybe we should give them some privacy?" Haley asked pulling Brooke up.

"Why? Martin's crying...they aren't going to be doing anything else."

"Oh god... we're the people my parents warned me about" Haley said realizing what was happening around her.

"Those are good people right?"

"Come on Brooke." Haley said dragging her downstairs where Cecelia and Simon were making out on top of one of the cars.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Malibu Barbie"

"Brooke... come on" Haley said now regretting coming down.

"No...Tutor girl! Please let me fight..." Brooke whined.

"No... Tonight" Cecelia said looking at her watch.

"Your on! And Simon... You have been a naughty boy! Go to MY room!" Brooke yelled.

"We'll see who is the real master then" Cecelia said wrapping her arms around Simon.

"Who died and made you Darth Vader?"

"Brooke... Come on!" Haley said dragging Brooke back upstairs hoping that Peyton and Martin were dressed.

"Hey friend! Guess what? I'll tell ya, I am fighting that hoe bag tonight! Wanna watch?" Brooke laughed. She knew by then she would be good and drunk by then and probably wouldn't feel anything.

Brooke, Haley and Peyton spent the next few hours setting up until Ruthie came upstairs asking for Haley.

"I need to ask her an important question" Ruthie said once she got up the stairs.

"You might want to ask Brooke... She might be better or not" Haley said looking over at Brooke who was already into the fuzzy navels.

"You take her, I'll go stop the beer monster" Peyton said walking over to Brooke.

"What's the problem?" Haley asked motioning for Ruthie to sit next to her on the couch.

"I... I... I dreamed that I had sex with a fish!" Ruthie finally spit out.

"Uh... Um really a fish?" Haley asked trying not to sound to shocked.

"I don't know why... but the fish looked like a fish but it had 1 leg"

"I um... Yea sure what the hell that's normal" Haley lied.

"Well... I thought that too but now whenever I see a fish... I wanna jump its bones"

"Right... well just fight your urges and don't" Haley said patting Ruthie on the head. This family had done a number on this poor kid.

"Thanks Haley! You're the best" Ruthie said hugging Haley.

"Brooke your drunk and its only 7:00. We still have an hour" Peyton yelled.

"Your not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on!" Brooke yelled taking another sip of her drink.

"Brooke... I know what I am doing" Peyton yelled back

"You know people who think they know what they are doing are especially annoying to those of us who do!" Brooke said with a straight face. She wasn't drunk but she knew if she was going to kick this Cecelia girls ass than she needed to be.

"I think I had better go down stairs" Ruthie said seeing all the chaos.

"I think you are absolutely right"

Finally it was 8:00 and all the random people Brooke had invited started showing up. Now they just had to keep everything quiet enough so that Annie didn't hear.

"So, You've seen a lot living where you do?" A random guy asked Brooke

"Seen it all, done it all, Can't remember most of it" Brooke said touching his chest.

"Alright bitch! Bring it!" Cecelia yelled from down the stairs.

"Sorry sexy, I gotta go do some Tae Queer Do on Polly Pocket down there"

Brooke wobbled down the stairs to see Cecelia dressed in what looked like a cave man out fit.

"Holy shit... were you trying to blind me with really bad fashion because it's working" Brooke said putting her drink down on the car.

"Peyton I have a confession" Haley said as they ran down the stairs to try and stop Brooke.

"What would that be?"

"I called the guys... they should be here any minute." Haley whispered.

"You what? Why... you know Brooke is going to kill you... I mean really kill you"

"Peyton she is only like this because of Lucas, I just thought maybe he could talk some sense into her." Haley said.

"Haley, Brooke was always like this and will always be like this. Lucas had nothing to do with it, her life is like Beverly Hills 90210 on Steroids"

"We're here..." Tim said pulling the car into the Camden's drive way.

"Thank god!" Lucas said climbing out along with Whitey and Nathan

All four of them walked up to the front door and Lucas rang the door belle. That's when Tim saw the most beautiful woman he had ever seen... The love of his life. Annie.

"Holy shit! Baby got back!" Tim said seeing Annie for the first time.

Spoilers: Will Lucas be able to stop Brooke and Cecelia? Will Tim get the woman of his dreams? Will Haley finally sleep with Nathan? Will Whitey get laid and by who? Find out next chapter! Please REVIEW!!


	7. Party Time!

Sorry it has taken me so long to update! I went to my grandparent's house and they have dial up Internet and I couldn't do anything!! I was so mad! Anyway I am writing now... hahaha but please if you guys have any ideas for chapters or anything let me know! I am running out of ideas! Hahaha Sorry if the chapter isn't as good. I am writing in a hurry... Please Review!

"May I help you gentlemen?" Annie asked looking at the 3 boys and Whitey.

"Yes... We are looking for 3 girls..."

"Please tell me that you are here to take those 3 retched girls home" Annie said shaking her head.

"You are beautiful" Tim said grabbing Annie's hand and kissing it.

"Tim... Dude... She is like Whitey's age! That's just wrong!" Lucas said disgusted. Only Tim would find this woman attractive.

"I don't care man! It's not about age... I think I am in love"

"Aw... you're a sweet boy" Annie said pinching his cheeks.

"Uh can you take us to the girls?" Nathan asked not wanting to watch anymore of this.

"Yes, of course... You will be taking them back home, right?"

They followed the loud Music to the garage to find Brooke and Cecelia sending looks that could kill to each other.

"Alright skipper... Lets get this thingy started!" Brooke said keeping a taking another sip of her drink.

"Wait!" Nathan yelled stopping the girls.

"What?" Brooke yelled back annoyed too drunk to know it was Nathan.

"You 2 cant fight yet... Wait like 3 minutes while I go and get the chocolate syrup and my camera! You 2 strip while I go" Nathan said starting towards his car.

"Hold it right their Pee Wee..." Haley said crossing her arms and tapping her foot.

"Oh Honey, sweetheart, I didn't see you there...Tim dared me!"

"Uh huh... Yea where is good old Tim?" Haley asked looking around.

"He's right..." Nathan started pointing to his side but Tim wasn't there.

"Please tell me that's not him skipping towards Annie with flowers..." Peyton laughed.

But it was. There was Tim frolic ling across Annie's garden with a bouquet of what looked like weeds.

"Looks like Tim got some bad crack" Peyton laughed

"Ok enough! Me and Brittany here have a score to settle!" Brooke said trying to keep her balance.

"I'm more of a Jessica fan thank you! Alright bring it!"

Just as Brooke was going to swing at Cecelia Lucas ran over and grabbed her hands.

"Brooke... Your drunk... Don't do this"

"Look Broody, I do everything important drunk... Remember?" Brooke said struggling to get free.

"Yes I know but Brooke... Is that ugly Aaron Carter wanna be worth it? He's probably like a dead fish anyway, if you know what I mean" Lucas said trying to persuade Brooke not to fight.

"Hey man... Your one to talk! It looks like someone went over your hair with a lawnmower. Besides... Jesse McCartney is way cooler than Aaron Carter." Simon said walking over to Lucas

"Oh sorry dude.... Jesse's dead" Jordan said walking down the stairs.

"Yea... we kinda killed him." Deanna laughed.

"Dee! Now we're going to get busted!"

"No we wont! They don't know where we put the body!" Deanna said with a sly grin

"Your right... They'd never think to look in our trunk!" Jordan blurted out.

"So... Is it you want to be just like this Jesse dude, or could there be feelings for him?" Lucas asked provoking Simon.

"Oh goody! Me and defective Barbie over here against Broody and Jesse lover! This is great!" Brooke giggled in excitement.

"Brooke... See Crack head and I here aren't going to fight... we are going to settle this like mature men" Lucas said trying to show Brooke that fighting wasn't the answer...

"Right... well doesn't that mean there has to be a mature man or mans here or something?" Brooke asked confused falling all over Lucas.

"You know what? I agree with Brooke" Cecelia said pulling Simon away from Lucas.

"Shut up Skanky whore... My old boyfriend is going to kick your boyfriends ass." Brooke giggled.

"Brooke... No... I'm not gonna fight him..." Lucas said as Brooke pushed him towards Simon who was already in fighting position.

"Lucas... come on! He's nothing but a mommies boy who has a drag queen as a girlfriend... if you fight him I will do anything you want me too..." Brooke whined.

"Fine..." Lucas caved

"Yay!! And you have to do it naked!" Brooke said pulling off his shirt.

"Brooke! Are you jacked up on weed or something?"

"Ha! See poodle girl! My ex is gonna win and not only that he's gonna look good doing it too!" Brooke giggled clapping her hands and collapsing into Lucas's arms.

"Nathan... A little help here" Lucas said motioning for him to come and get a very wobbly Brooke.

"Alright, I will fight you" Simon said looking nervous.

"But here's the thing... I, I don't know the rules."

"You have to be kidding me? I awear this place is like Brady land! There are no rules...well ok one rule...the loser has to run naked through your house and then dress up in drag and lay Whitey" Lucas said feeling pretty confidante that he was going to win.

"Wait... who is whitey?" Simon asked.

"She is a hott stripper who loves men in drag..." Nathan said joining in on the fun. If only Tim were here.

"Deal..." Simon smiled

"I always knew Whitey was a stripper, I bet he's pretty good too" Brooke said squirming around in Nathan's arms.

"All right... Lets get started then" Lucas said trying to contain his laughter.

Tim walked up to the front porch where Annie was talking to herself.

"Hello there" Tim said handing her the flowers.

"Hello" Annie said shyly.

"So what do you say you and I go and shake your head board like it's never been shaken before?" Tim said

"Excuse me!" Annie yelled

"Um, Um, Wha, What I mean is I thought maybe you would like some help cleaning your head board because it might be dirty?" Tim said seeing that she wasn't into the whole sex thing yet.

"Oh, Good Heavens I am sorry, I have to say with those 3 girls here... They have gotten my mind a little crazy" Annie laughed putting her hand on Tim's leg.

"Yes... Those girls are very naughty..." Tim said...while imagining all three of them naked

"Me, I have never been with anyone or even thought about it... I am waiting for the perfect woman" Tim lied

"Your such a sweet boy. Maybe everyone should take a little advice from you" Annie said smiling and pinching his cheeks.

"Yes, I have to agree with you. I mean church is my life, and god, what is a person without those 2 things?"

"Your right... What is your favorite bible verse?" Annie asked excitedly.

"Uh, Uh, Thought shall not... uh... Thought shall not be a skank... You know I have too many to name... Maybe we should go get something to drink and discuss this more" Tim said getting antsy.

"Yes... lets do that"

"Round 1: Lucas "Broody" Scott vs. Simon "Mama's boy, drag queen, goody, goody, Jesse loving, but still hott" Cam something." Brooke announced into the ladle like it was a microphone.

"Me... I'll be your host Brookie! Along with Tutor girl and Goldilocks here as my side hicks" She sang into it again.

"Alright Brooke... No more fuzzy navels for you!" Peyton said taking her drink away.

"Your just jealous because Broody boy is fighting for me and not you..."

"Maybe Lucas will loose and we will get to see him in drag doing it with Whitey!" Nathan laughed

"Nathan!" Haley screeched.

"Hey whose side are you on bozo? Ok now for the fffight... Round 2 will be me... Your beautiful host vs. Slut monkey over there! We all know who is gonna win that one" Brooke giggled.

"We all know who isn't going to remember that one either" Nathan said patting Brooke on the head.

"Natey! I know tinker belle here isn't giving you any but I have eyes for another man or mans... I don't know yet... ouch... My brain hurts Peyton... I think I have been thinking too much" Brooke whined laying her head on Peyton.

"Alright man... First one down loses..." Lucas said putting his arms up.

"Wait... Maybe I should call my family to watch... I mean they have seen me through all my first, like my first lost tooth, and my first girlfriend... Maybe they should be here for this too" Simon said tucking in his shirt.

"Fight already! I am paid good money to see this!" Brooke yelled shaking her fist.

"Fine... Maybe I should fight you..." Simon said pointing to Brooke.

"Dude... She's Brooke... you touch her I will kill you." Lucas said getting madder and madder every second.

"Maybe it would put her out of her miserable life" Cecelia said agreeing with Simon.

"Brooke isn't miserable, She's just mad... mad at the world, and me... I made a mistake... Peyton and I both did. We know that now but Brooke... well her life goal now is to make my life hell... and to worry me to death, but if I kill you then maybe I wont have to deal with that anymore. Besides... it looks like Peyton has found her a man" Lucas said pointing to Peyton who was making out with Martin.

"Well then... Let me just pray for a second and we can start this" Simon said putting his hands together.

"Give me a L! Give me a U! Give me a uh... Peyton what comes after U?" Brooke asked trying to cheer for Lucas but not remembering how to spell his name.

"Take off your pants! Oh well... 1, 2, 3, go!" Brooke yelled giggling elbowing Nathan in the crotch

"Son of a!" Nathan started but Haley covered his mouth.

"Brooke, watch where you are putting your elbow! You are going to give my future children brain damage!"

"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen!" Tim gushed over Annie.

"Thank you Timmy! You are handsome yourself."

"So you must be pretty damn good in bed" Tim said stroking her hair.

"Pardon me?"

"I, I mean making the bed.... Woman I give up lets just go and have sex!" Tim said throwing the bible down on the floor

"Timothy! I am a married woman! Not to mention that I could be your mother and we are not married"

"Fine then... Annie... will you marry me?" Tim asked dropping down on one knee and taking her hand.

"What?" Annie asked shocked.

"You are the woman of my dreams... I love you! I want to have your babies!" Tim gushed.

"Tim... I am already married to a man I love very much." Annie said patting him on the head.

"He's not me! I can rock your world! I could give you anything you ever wanted!"

Lucas swung at Simon's jaw smashing him down on the ground.

"Oh! That hurt! Oh My Goodness! I am bleeding! Call an ambulance" Simon yelled in pain.

"Do you give up?" Lucas asked giving him a hand.

"Yes..." Simon cried.

"Alright then, Hales go into that old ladies closet and find the most girlish dress and hair stuff you can. Simon here has to lay Whitey! Me... I need a drink... Hey Cheery! Throw me that beer" Lucas said all excited. He was disappointed that the fight hadn't lasted longer but at least he didn't have to lay Whitey.

"But Luke... I wanna see Brooke kick the tar out of Cecelia!" Haley whined.

"Fine... but after that" Lucas said helping Brooke over to Cecelia.

"YAY! Alright Hussy Headed Hyena... Now its you and me... and guess what... Right now I can't feel a thing." Brooke said wobbling over to Cecelia.

"What does the loser have to do?"

"You mean what are you going to have to do? Hmm I know! You have to go downtown dressed as a hooker and offer to lay a woman!" Brooke giggled.

"Right... well it looks like your gonna have to do that sweetheart because I can at least stand on my own with out Lawnmower boy there."

"His name is...Broody! And he kicked your boyfriends ass... and you know what? He can kick yours too" Brooke said pushing Lucas in front of her.

"He wouldn't hit a girl"

"The only girl I see around here is your little boyfriend boy who is crying in the corner" Brooke said pointing to Simon.

"Start the chick fight already!" Nathan yelled

"Nathan!"

All right... here are the rules... first one down loses, and not hitting to the face... I'm way to pretty to get scared by you" Brooke said regaining her balance. Her buzz was starting to wear off some. She wasn't quite sure if this was a good thing or not.

"Fine..."

"Go!" Nathan whined

"Oh My God! Simon put that thing back in your pants!" Brooke yelled looking behind Cecelia.

"What?" Cecelia asked turning around. As soon as she was around Brooke slapped her almost knocking her too her knees. Then there was the sound of sirens.

"This is the police! Everybody stay where you are!" A voice said over the intercom.

"YAY! Our party is so awesome the police want to party too!" Brooke laughed grabbing Lucas's hand and pulling him into the backyard.

"Brooke...where are we going?"

"Lucas... if you haven't noticed we're 16... I am getting the hell out of there... and you... well you probably don't want that detective to see you and I together"

"Excuse me... We are looking for 2 young ladies by the names of Jordan and Deanna... We have a warrant for their arrest" The detective said catching Brooke before she made it out.

"Right... They were here but they said something about going to Mexico... and then they left"

"Right...and Brooke... You might want to clear this party out... You and I are going to pretend that I didn't smell the beer on your breath and pray to god you are using condoms. I am going to search for those girls... when I come back in 20 minutes I expect most everyone to be gone." The detective said tipping his hat.

"Right... sure thing, Dad"

Spoilers: Will Whitey like his "Woman"? Will Annie say yes to Tim? Will this story be a Brucas? Will Peyton end up with Martin? Will Haley and Nathan do it? What's up with the whole dad thing? Find out next chapter! I set a record with this chapter! I finished it in 1 hour! Go me! Sorry if it wasn't that funny... I will research funny lines next chapter... Please Review!


	8. Hahahaha

Ok I have to admit I watched Every Night is Another Story last night and I was motivated! Hahaha. This is probably one of the last chapters because I am running out of stuff to make happen so... I hope you like it! If you have any ideas please let me know!! Please review!

"Brooke... What was that?" Lucas asked trying to hold Brooke steady.

"What? Oh him... Yea he's my dad... You wanna go have sex?" Brooke giggled grabbing a beer.

"Brooke.... Your dad is a detective?"

"Yea and if you stand close enough to him you can hear the ocean... Now come on! I came on this trip to have boys and boos and right now I haven both with in my reach!" Brooke whined trying very hard to make Lucas budge.

"Brooke this isn't what you want..."

"Come on Lucas! Be a guy... Say yes! Besides I wont remember any of this in the morning please... pretty please...I will be your bestest friend" Brooke begged trying to stand on her own but failing tremendously.

Lucas thought for a minute... he had 2 choices... Sleep with Brooke and get what he had wanted all summer or do the right thing and not sleep with Brooke.

"Lucas if you don't sleep with me I am going to find Simon and sleep with him! He cares about me and loves me and would do anything for me. Plus he wouldn't cheat on me with my best friend...and, and, and" Brooke ranted on in her drunken state

"Alright... come on"

Haley watched as Brooke drug Lucas towards the house tripping over her own feet and falling back into Lucas's arms. Lucas was in for an interesting night. She wasn't sure what those two's problem was but it was probably long and hard to pronounce.

"Hey Hales..." Nathan said walking over to Haley.

"Hey there... Did you deal with the whole Simon Whitey thing?"

"You can't tell Lucas" Nathan laughed

"Oh don't worry... Lucas is with a VERY drunk Brooke right now... It will probably take her an hour and a half to figure out how to undo her shirt" Haley laughed

"Lucas is with Brooke? Didn't see that one coming...Anyway Simon and I had a heart to heart and we decided that taking pictures of him in drag was cruel enough...Besides, He taught me the word of God Haley... I never knew it before now but Sex is a sin! Haley... I have decided that we need to wait..." Nathan said very sincerely

"Right, Nathan your full of it"

"Yea I know... Can we PLEASE go have Sex Haley?" Nathan begged.

"Ok now your just sounding like Brooke" Haley laughed

"I am not..."

Peyton sat on the couch shooing off another idiot who had hit on her.

"What am I? Flypaper for freaks?"

"Only if I'm a freak" Martin said walking up behind Peyton.

"There you are..."

"Interesting party, so that Brooke girl... She is well crazy" Martin laughed

"She's not crazy, she's just possessed by a retarded ghost"

"So why do you clean up after her? She's a big girl... She doesn't even seem thankful for what you do for her" Martin said sitting down beside Peyton.

"It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off."

"What did you break some kind of cheerleading hokey pokey?" Martin laughed

"Something like that, I stole her boyfriend..." Peyton said quietly

"Ah... Yea... I stole Simon's girlfriend once too. Somehow they always end up back together though... leaving us alone"

"Well we don't have to be alone..." Peyton said kissing Martin

"Timothy... It just wont work out..." Annie said kissing Tim's hand.

"Annie darling... just give me one night with you and you will see! We are just like Adam and Eve, Romeo and Juliet, Dawson and Joey, Marco and Polo"

"But Tim... I am married! What would I tell my husband?" Annie asked.

"That you are in love with another man! Annie Wannie. I cant live without you!" Tim said in his baby talk.

"Tim!" Whitey yelled walking into the den.

"Whitey! Man... I'm engaged..." Tim said grinning from ear to ear.

"Tim... How many times did you say your mother dropped you when you were a baby?"

"Whitey... Share the love man...be nice" Tim said still smiling

"I'll be nicer if you'll be smarter... That's it... where are the others? I feel that as your coach I am responsible for keeping you 6 alive...Nathan! Come here..." Whitey said spotting Nathan and Haley heading upstairs

"Yea coach?" Nathan asked annoyed

"Where are the other 3?"

"Uh... Brooke is hammered and doing it with Lucas somewhere... Peyton is with that brown noser..."

"You 6 are like animals! Go and get them... I think it is time for us to have a little talk!" Whitey yelled motioning Nathan towards the door.

"Whitey man... we're all too wasted... cant we do this in the morning?"

"Broody... I have to say... I have had better," Brooke giggled.

"That's because we didn't have sex Brooke! For the 3rd time! I decided to take the high road and wait until you are sober to sleep with you, well that and you didn't know what you were doing...Brooke stop trying to unzip my pants with your teeth! It doesn't work that way! I knew I shouldn't have let you drink those three beers while walking down here"

"No... Lukie! The high road is bad! You can fall off and get a concussion! But, but the low road... its fun! You get to climb the slide to the middle road and hey! Lukie! It's the ocean!" Brooke said in awe

"Lets go skinny dipping" she giggled clapping her hands and bouncing up and down.

"Brooke... that's pine straw... Come on... Lets go find the others" Lucas said picking her up and throwing her over his shoulder.

"Lucas! Put me down! I want to swim naked in the pine straw!" Brooke cried and complained.

"Brooke... Stop... Brooke... shit! You bit me!" Lucas yelled dropping Brooke on her butt.

"Well you dropped me... I am suing!" Brooke giggled hopping on Lucas's back.

"Your crazy!" Lucas laughed securing her legs around his waist giving her a piggyback ride back to the house.

"Well your... your... your like that dude who did that thing...and... I am way to drunk to know"

"Brooke... I am assuming that you are sober now?" A voice said in front of Lucas.

"Of course I am Mr. Daddy guy! Giddy up horsy!" Brooke giggled holding onto Lucas hair like pony reins.

"Yea she is totally sober... Did you arrest those 2 girls?" Lucas asked trying to draw the attention from Brooke.

"Arrest them? Of course not! Why would I do that? They did us a service by killing Jesse McCartney... He was brainwashing all of America's youth. I gave them a reward!"

"Right...Well we are going to go finish uh, playing charades..." Lucas lied.

"I don't like charades... Lets play cowboys and Indians!" Brooke said covering Lucas's eyes and kicking him in the shin.

"Except you're a blind cowboy!"

"Yea...uh... Good luck with her" Brookes father said patting him on the shoulder and running back to his car.

"YAY!! We won!" Brooke giggled

"Martin! I don't think we can do it in here... I mean... What if they see us?" Peyton asked shutting the door to the twin's room.

"We will just tell them that we are looking for something." Martin laughed slipping Peyton's shirt off.

"Ok..."

They were finally finished stripping when they heard a voice.

"Sam... wake up!" David said looking over at Peyton and Martin.

"What Brother?"

"Look!" David said pointing to a totally naked Peyton and Martin.

"It is like those pictures Ruthie has in her diary"

"Nathan...I don't think we are going to find them..." Haley complained walking along side Nathan.

"They have to be hear somewhere... Wait listen" Nathan said putting his hand over Haley's mouth.

"Please sing the next verse Lukie! You know you want too!"

"Somehow I really don't. I am not singing the bum, bum song, I gave you another beer and a half... How much do you have to drink before you pass out?" Lucas asked still carrying Brooke on his back.

"Fine be boring... I will sing it! My bum is on the rail... my bum is on the rail... wait I have a better one! My bum is on... the... Lucas!" Brooke giggled.

"I love that song!" Nathan yelled running to Lucas and Brooke

"Nathan!"

"What! Tom Greene is Brilliant! I like his other one too" Nathan said in all seriousness.

"Nathan! You are a dirty boy! Dirty, dirty, dirty, maybe you should teach Lukie here how to be dirty!"

"Here can you take her? My back is killing me..." Lucas asked Nathan handing Brooke over.

"Ouch! No! I want to ride on Luke! Your back is too bony!" Brooke complained squirming.

"Brooke... Alright get on..." Lucas caved. They all knew that it was better to just agree with a drunk Brooke rather than argue.

"YAY!" Brooke yelled pouncing back on Lucas.

"So did you two... well?" Haley asked.

"She couldn't even figure out how to get her shoe off...you really think I would sleep with her like this?" Lucas laughed

"I heard that Broody! I may be dumb but I'm not drunk...or something"

"Lucas... she isn't that bad... She has the full sex pack she is just missing the little plastic thing that holds it all together" Haley laughed

"Thank you tutor girl! I knew I always liked you... I think... Go faster Lukie, Oh wait!!! Listen!!! It's the YMCA!! Lets do it PLEASE!!!"

"No!" Lucas, Haley and Nathan all three yelled together.

"Ugh Martin... We had better get out of here" Peyton said buttoning her shirt back.

"Yea... I think you are right"

"Ok Sam, David... You never saw this... it is just a dream" Peyton said tucking the boys back into bed after she was dressed.

"Oh no... I am having Satan's dreams again"

"Annie... Please..." Tim begged

"Tim I have 7 children and a husband... It would be very sinful of me to give that up."

"Annie... I cant live without you" Tim said looking her in the eyes.

"Alright you 2 that's enough...I'm out of popcorn... choose already!" Whitey said throwing his last piece of popcorn at Tim.

"We're here Brooke hop off"

"Dude... she's out" Nathan laughed.

"Yea... Drooling and all"

"Wow... Its about time" Lucas said lying here on the couch in the apartment.

"She is gonna feel this tomorrow."

"Hales... Lets go to bed..." Nathan said pulling her by the arm

"Right" Haley smiled following Nathan down the stairs.

Spoilers: Next chapter is probably one of the last... Will Whitey find a woman? Will Lucas and Brooke deal with their issues? Will Marin come back to Tree Hill with Peyton? Will Nathan and Haley finally take the plunge? FIND OUT!! Please review!!


	9. Chicken

OK This is just a reminder that this is a comedy! Hahaha I love all the characters I write about and anything I say about them is just a joke... So please don't get all mad at me or anything... I am just trying to be funny.

Ok Apparently me stopping this story was a bad idea so thanks to some GREAT idea's I will hopefully make it go a little longer. I hope you like this chapter! Please review!

"Oh Peyton kill me now..." Brooke whined rolling over grabbing at her head.

"Peyton went to get you some aspirin," Lucas said sitting next to her.

"Peyton! Tutor girl! Help! I am hallucinating! Or Lucas is dead and has come back as a ghost to haunt me because of what I did to him! ... Either way make him go away..."

"So I am guessing you don't remember last night?" Lucas laughed

"On god I didn't sleep with you did I? ew ew ew!" Brooke said sticking her finger down her throat.

"No... You were way too drunk for that. You did sing some nice little songs though"

"Great... ok Look Broody... here's the thing... I am over you like a, like a, well I don't know but I am so over you" Brooke said swaying her hand back and forth.

"Like Rachel was over Ross huh?"

"Rachel should have needed up with Joey... he was hotter! Hey... Did I kick Barbie's ass last night?" Brooke said trying to sit up.

"No... But I kicked Mommies boys ass instead"

"You beat up Simy Wimy! But he is hott! Now who am I going to seduce and corrupt? Huh? Did you think of that before you did this? No because you never think of me Lucas Scott you are a bad not thinker of me stubborn brooding hot guy and you are bad!" Brooke ranted

"Yes I know..." Lucas laughed patting her on the head.

"Brooke! Oh My God!" Haley said rushing into the room.

"Tinker belle! Ouch, my head" Brooke whined again.

"No time to complain! You have to see this! Keith blew up Tree Hill High! It's all over the news!" Haley yelled.

"What how?"

"Apparently he was trying to light a match and he farted ... really big and BAM! It blew up!" Haley said trying to catch he breath.

"What was Goomer doing at school?" Brooke asked almost in a daze. This was her dream come true. No school!

"Apparently he was driving down the road and well... he had to go... if you know what I mean and the school was the closest place so he stopped there and well went... But he didn't want anyone to know that he had been there so he lit a match and BAM!"

"Your kidding right" Lucas managed to choke out as he laughed.

"Come watch for yourself!" Haley said running back down stairs.

"Lucas... I love you" Brooke whined

"You want me to carry you down stairs?" Lucas asked.

"Please!" Brooke begged

"You owe me big Brooke Davis" Lucas said helping her up.

"YAY!! Ouch"

Lucas carried Brooke downstairs where everyone was watching the TV.

"That is the most malevolent thing I have ever seen!" Lucy said covering her eyes.

"What's happening?" Lucas asked sitting Brooke down on the couch.

"No Lucas... I wanna it in your lap... I'm cold." Brooke complained

"They are getting ready to interview Keith" Nathan laughed.

"We're back to with Keith Scott himself... Keith how do you feel about what you did?" The reporter asked.

"Well I feel ashamed... I have to admit I had a few drinks before I did it" Keith said scratching his nose.

"Isn't it true that it was 8 drinks Mr. Scott?"

"Ok... So I drink a lot! So what! I would like to say hi to a few people if that's ok" Keith said grinning at the camera obviously buzzed.

"Oh please don't let him say my name... please" Lucas begged.

"Man I'm with you" Nathan agreed.

"I would, I would like to say hello to my mom and dad and my nephews Lucas and Nathan Scott! Oh and my brother Danny boy! Danny look a here I'm on TV! Better than you have ever done"

"I am never drinking again" Brooke said shielding her eyes from the light.

"Sure..." Everyone said.

"I think I am going to be sick... That man is atrocious! Lucy said hiding her face in Kevin's chest.

"He can make a killer margarita though!" Brooke snickered.

"The school, all my grades, all my work, gone, I am doomed" Haley cried in Nathan's arms.

"Hey babe, look at it this way, that means all my records and grades are gone too! I have a chance!" Nathan said excitedly.

"I am going to Yale now!" Lucas laughed

"Yell what?" Brooke asked puzzled.

Peyton walked up the stairs seeing Martin asleep on the bed.

"Hey!" She giggled jumping onto the bed beside him.

"Hey... What time is it?" Martin asked wiping his eyes.

"About 9:00. What time did you get to sleep?"

"About 8" Martin said closing his eyes again.

"Why 8?" Peyton asked confused

"That guy, Whitey or whatever was telling me stories about when he fought in World War 2"

"Whitey didn't fight in world war 2...He's pulling your chain" Peyton laughed.

"You mean I listened to him for 4 hours tell me a load of crap?" Martin complained

"Afraid so"

"So what's all the commotion downstairs?" Martin asked sitting up.

"Lucas and Nathan's uncle blew up our school..."

"Really... I guess you will just have to stay here and go to school" Martin beamed.

"Right... like that will ever happen. We don't have a place to stay... If you haven't noticed the Camden's hate us."

"They don't hate you... They strongly dislike you with a passion" Martin laughed

"Whatever... It just wont work out, and I don't think I would even want to stay here" Peyton said

"Not even with me?"

"Lucas... Lets go do something really fun! Oh I know! We can go on a double date with Simon and Cecelia! On wait... We cant because you beat Simon up! Good job Broody..."

"Brooke... Would you give it up?" Lucas said shoving her out of his lap.

"Hey... I was comfy! So I'm not making you feel the least bit guilty?"

"No... Brooke just go pack..." Lucas said flipping through TV channels tying to find at least one channel that Keith wasn't on.

"Where are we going?"

"Home..." Lucas said in amazement

"Home? I'm not going home... You are but I am staying here and running up daddy's credit for the rest of the summer along with Tutor girl and Goldilocks" Brooke giggled sitting back in Lucas's lap. It was nice to know she had him wrapped around her little finger again.

"Really... and where are you going to stay?"

"With us" Eric said walking into the den with Annie.

"What?" Brooke, Lucas, Haley, and Nathan all 4 said at the same time.

"Eric and I have done a lot of praying about this. You have corrupted our children and our town and our home. So we said that if god really wanted us to help you he would send us a sign... and well I believe he has with the school incident." Annie said forcing a smile.

"What! Mom... We can't bring these people in here to mess up our lives and beliefs anymore! Kevin..." Lucy cried.

"Lucy... It has already been decided. I called their parents this morning and they all agreed. You will stay here and go to school here until your school is back." Eric said.

"YAY! Not only do I get to corrupt this house more... I get to corrupt an entire school! I don't think my life could get any better" Brooke said clapping her hands together, then grabbing her head in pain.

"Lucas...." She whined.

"I, I, Are you sure you really want us here? I mean if Brooke can corrupt Lucas... there is no telling what she can do to some of the kids here" Haley said really not wanting to stay.

"Oh she wont have time to corrupt... I have taken the liberty to get each of you jobs for the summer. You are going to have to work your stay" Annie smiled a devious smile almost as bad as Brooke's.

"Wait... You mean we have to work to stay in a place that we don't even want to stay in, in the first place?" Nathan asked puzzled.

"Hey guys... What going on... Here's your aspirin Brooke" Peyton said joining them in the den.

"Peyton! Shoot her! She is making us get jobs!" Brooke whined

"Yes it is horrible!" Nathan said putting his face down in Haley's chest.

"Nice try Nate..." Haley said pulling him up by his hair.

"Now your jobs are as follows... Nathan, You will be working at Pete's Pizza along with Lucas as waiters."

"What!" They both exclaimed.

"YAY! We get to see Luke and Nate in cute little waiter uniforms!" Brooke giggled.

"Peyton... You will be working as a DJ at the local Christian pop radio station"

"Peyton has to work pop! She hates pop and Christian music!" Brooke laughed more.

"Haley... You will tutor all of the kids in the Sunday school classes"

"Wait... She actually likes that! Why does she get to have a good job?" Brooke complained.

"Finally Brooke... we thought long and hard about this one considering your only skills are shopping and drinking. Our oldest daughter Mary has to go back to work leaving us with her 5-month-old son Charles. We have learned that that baby is pretty much invincible; Considering Mary is his mother, so you will be in charge of baby-sitting him From 3 when you get home from school until 7. With the help of sweet Timothy..."

"What! You want Tim and me to baby sit? I don't do babies... but Tim might! If you get my drift!" Brooke complained.

"This all starts tomorrow! I hope you all are ready" Annie smiled and walked out of the room with Eric at her side.

"I can't corrupt a 5 month old! It can't even talk! Lucas... Call Deanna and Jordan... I need a favor"

"What do you mean you cant?" Tim asked walking down the hall of the Glen Oak Hospital.

"I mean it's not possible! It would never work..." A doctor said.

"But your name is Dr. Hastings... Doesn't that mean you are hasty to do stuff?"

"Look kid, Implanting a chicken egg in you is not going to make you pregnant" Dr. Hastings said laughing.

"What? Why not? My Fiancé needs to think I am pregnant so she will stay with me!" Tim pleaded.

"And if it did work and you had a chicken? I think she would know she wasn't the mother" Dr. Hastings laughed.

"But she is the love of my life and I need her to stay with me and dump that Eric guy"

"Look... Tim, There is a mental, I mean fertility clinic right down the road... why don't you stop there and tell them what you just told me. They will get you all the help you need" Dr. Hastings said smiling.

"Thanks! When this works I will name the baby after you. Hasty... A good strong name"

Nathan and Haley walked through the promenade holding hands.

"Haley... I love you and well I was thinking since we are living with a minister.... We should get married!" Nathan said abruptly.

"Nathan! Are you serious? I mean... Maybe but is this what you really want?" Haley asked blushing.

"Of course...I have wanted to get with you since that basketball game!"

"Is that the only reason you want to marry me, for sex? Nathan Scott I hate you!" Haley yelled slapping him.

"Not just for sex Haley, Lucas says you are a good cook too! Haley don't walk away!"

"I will only marry you Nathan if you say those 3 magic words every girls waits to hear!" Haley said

"Eat more chicken?" Nathan asked

"Sure... I think there is a Chick Fil A down the way" Haley said smiling.

"And what makes you think you need relationship counseling? That is something I would like you to think about as you stand up together and say what your problems are. Ok?" Eric asked his whole group of newly wedded couples.

"My name is Jessica and my problem is that my husband Nick never works! While I am off working supporting us he is surfing or laying down grass with his brother! I cant take it anymore Nick! Not another day!"

"But Jessica... That is my work... ever since my law firm 90, 8 and degrees broke up I have nothing! No one wants to have a solo lawyer Jessica!"

"Maybe you should have been solo from the beginning! That's how I did it! You didn't see me joining Brittany, Christina, and Mandy when things got rough! I did it all on my own!" Jessica yelled.

"You two calm down and just be happy that the lord has felt it right to put the 2 of you together... Money doesn't matter, it's the love. You have to feel the love... now Jessica do you love Nick?" Eric asked smiling.

"Oh My Gah... Yes I do!" Jessica whaled

"And Nick do you love Jessica?"

"I'm sorry Babe... I love you more than anything!" Nick said hugging Jessica tight.

"Well then...we can now move onto our next set of newly wed... I mean couple...Brooke, Lucas, Why do you feel you have marital, I mean relationship problems?" Eric asked annoyed that Brooke and Lucas were there.

"Because he, he, he is gay!" Brooke said pretending to cry.

"Brooke you have to be serious about this or we are never going to get along" Lucas said irritated.

"Right... Ok He's not gay... But he did cheat on me with my best friend! And then he lied to me about it!" Brooke said almost laughing.

"Right... I do believe this is the same story you told us 3 nights in a row at dinner" Eric asked.

"Yea pretty much"

"Ok... No the important thing here is to remember that God felt it right to bong you 2 screwed up souls together... I think... Now Brooke to you love Lucas?"

"I give a rats ass about him if that's what you mean." Brooke giggled smacking her gum

"Right Lucas do you love Brooke?"

"Yes, but that's the problem... She is my sister!" Lucas blurted out.

"Oh Lucas! Mom shouldn't have let us share a room!" Brooke giggled

All 7 newly wedded couples sat silently with their mouths wide open. Eric included.

"Thank you Eric! You have made me realize that I love Brooke and no law can stop us from showing that!" Lucas said trying to keep a straight face. He couldn't believe Brooke had talked him into this.

"I, uh, I," Eric stuttered.

"Come on Lucas! Lets go to Vegas and get married!" Brooke laughed grabbing Lucas's hand and pulling him out of the room.

"Brooke that was horrible!" Lucas said bursting out laughing.

"Wasn't that the most fun you have had in like weeks!" Brooke shrieked.

"Yes... But Brooke we need to get serious for a minute"

"Why?" Brooke asked disappointed.

"Because we need to decide whether or not our kids should call me dad or Uncle Lucas" Lucas laughed

"Lucas!, Hey you know... I'm not drunk anymore... We could probably manage to have sex now if you wanted too"

Whitey ran down the stairs to answer the door since no one else was home.

"Hi... Are Annie and Eric home?" A lady asked.

"Uh, I, Uh, No... Just me, Whitey" Whitey stuttered seeing the woman.

"Oh... ok... I'm Ginger, Annie's step mom."

Spoilers: What happens when everyone starts their new jobs? Has Whitey found his woman? Is Tim pregnant?, Will Naley get married? And more! Please review!


	10. Interesting

Ok this chapter isn't as funny as I would have liked it to because it is building up to a really funny chapter. So there was a lot I had to do and make happen before I got there!

I like could not remember for the life of me if I had Naley married at the beginning or not! Hahaha So we are just going to say that they aren't married yet...

"Tutor girl... Oh tutor girl!" Brooke yelled from the hallway

"Great... Its Cheery" Haley whined

"Not again! Does she have to do this every morning? We don't yell at her while she and Lucas are doing the nasty! My god she is like that girl in that movie that I saw that time remember?" Nathan asked jumping out of bed to hide from Brooke.

"Right, look she doesn't know and for your information we haven't had sex"

"Yea but we could and then she would ruin the whole moment! I swear! She did this the whole time Peyton and I were together" Nathan complained walking into the closet.

"Tutor" Brooke started walking into the room but stopped.

"I smell Nathan... is Nathan in here?? Oh My God he is! You and Nathan are having sex!"

"Brooke... No... Nathan isn't here... Nathan and I aren't having sex, and My God you have an amazing nose! You know Nathan's smell?" Haley asked amazed.

"Ha! See I knew it! He is here! Besides... who cant smell him. He wears that cheap gas station cologne." Brooke giggled.

"Anyway, its time for breakfast and then Keith is on some morning Oprah special!"

"Oh god... Lets just hope it isn't like when he was on 20/20." Haley laughed

"Poor guy didn't know that accurate wasn't the same as reenactment. At least he only caught the chair on fire this time." Brooke said.

Poor Keith had been having a hard time since the "Incident". Everyone wanted him on their TV shows. This thrilled Keith to death but his family on the other hand was not so thrilled. Karen had decided that Larry was the buy for her and they were now dating. Once the reporters had found out about Deb sleeping with Keith she decided to change her name and move back home with mommy and Daddy for a while. And Dan... well it was driving him insane that Keith's body shop was doing so well because people from all over came to see the mad who blew up the school.

"I'm just glad that Lucas didn't get Keith's brains... Nathan on the other hand" Brooke laughed.

"Hey! I didn't get that alcoholic Goomers brains!" Nathan yelled from the closet

"I knew it!" Brooke giggled

"Way to go Nate... So much for the hiding around"

"Yea well it's Brooke's fault! I blame Brooke and her uncanny nose" Nathan whined

"It's a gift! Come on... Walk lightly now! We mustn't upset god by being late to breakfast" Brooke giggled in a really bad British accent.

Brooke, Haley and Nathan walked down stairs to meet the others.

"You three are late! That comes out of your discipline star chart" Annie said putting the pancakes on the table.

"What... Man! That's not fair! I was in the lead! Now Sam and David are going to beat me" Nathan complained.

"Well young man maybe that will teach you to be early for breakfast... speaking of the star chart... It's Friday! Time to read the standings. Matt, you have 3 stars... Mary is gone as of this morning so her stars don't count, Lucy 4 stars, Simon 3 stars, Ruthie 2 stars, Sam and David both have 5, Haley 4, Peyton 3, Martin 3, Nathan 4, Timothy 4, Lucas 1 and Brooke you complete this week with 0 stars!" Annie said looking disappointedly at Brooke.

"Stupid Twins... I will beat them next week... You just wait!" Nathan muttered to himself glaring at the 2 boys.

"Wait... How does Lucas have 1 and I don't! We both got caught in the garden shed... remember?"

"Yes well Lucas didn't teach my precious twins a song about Boys and Beer now did he?" Annie said blankly

"Right..."

"But they did have sex in the bathroom last night!" Peyton laughed.

"No we didn't!" Brooke and Lucas both said at the same time

"Yes you did! Martin and I heard you!"

"No... We went out last night... We didn't get home until 3 and he were too tired to do anything" Lucas said

"You broke curfew! Lucas you now have 0 stars!" Annie said taking the last Velcro star from beside Lucas's name.

"Well who was in the bathroom then?"

"Brian... I have to say... You are such gentleman" Ginger said running her fingers across his bald head.

"Yea... That's what Camilla use to tell me" Whitey said smiling.

"I am so glad we did what we did last night... I just wish we could have found somewhere better than the bathroom"

"You don't think it was too soon?" Whitey asked

"No"

"Ok well apparently Whitey isn't coming for breakfast! Can we eat now?" Martin whined

"Yes... Everyone grab hands and let's give grace" Eric said taking Annie and Ruthie's hands.

"Alright this morning I want everyone to think about the past year and say what you are most grateful for... Annie you start"

"I am grateful for me beautiful family"

"I am grateful for my great husband and our new baby" Lucy said almost crying.

The circle went around until it got to Martin.

"I am thankful for my family and Peyton"

"I am thankful for forgiveness and Martin" Peyton gushed back. It made Brooke sick how Lovey Dovey those too had become.

"I am thankful for my health and Nathan" Haley smiled.

"I am thankful for online porn... I mean Online people who make me smart like tutors" Nathan stuttered.

"I am thankful for the precious gift from god that dear Annie and I have created" Tim said patting his stomach.

"I am thankful...First of all that I'm not Tim, secondly, that certain close calls that Brooke and I had this year didn't happen, plus I am thankful for basketball, oh and for other things... You know what I am talking about god" Lucas said

"I am thankful for whipped cream and proper birth control, and" Brooke giggled. She loved it when the Camden's did stuff like this that she could ruin. It was things like this that made life interesting.

"Yes I think we will stop right now" Eric said letting go of Annie and Ruthie's hands.

"Lets eat"

"I can't eat this! I am a vegetarian!" Brooke said pointing to the bacon.

"Nice try Brooke... You ate hamburgers with us last night" Lucy said annoyed.

"Those weren't veggie burgers?" Brooke laughed.

"Brooke can we get through one meal with out you complaining?" Kevin asked glaring at Brooke

"I don't know... can we get through one meal without your little wifey woman crying?" Brooke shot back

"She is hormonal!" Kevin yelled.

"Watch it whipped boy, you may be a cop but my boyfriend can kick you ass just like he kicked Simon's" Brooke giggled.

"Ok... Brooke I think its time we went and got ready for our jobs" Lucas said pulling her out of her chair.

"I don't wanna! Lucas... I was kidding... Lucas Scott put me down! No... No don't you dare tickle me or I will bite you again!" Brooke yelled as he carried her up the stairs

"I must say Kevin, I think that girl needs a night in jail to straighten her out" Lucy said trying to hold back her tears.

"What she needs is discipline! You all do and you are going to get it here!" Annie said slamming her toast on the table.

"And what she needs is some serious anger management, or at least a Zoloft" Haley whispered.

"Alright... Everyone go and get ready for this beautiful day God has blessed us with." Eric said smiling.

Nathan looked around as soon as everyone had left the kitchen and grabbed Annie's package of stars.

"Lets see those little twins beat me with stars now!" Nathan whispered adding 4 more stars next to his name.

"Lucas! I can't find my pretty shirt!" Brooke yelled across the room.

"Which shirt?"

"The tight one"

"Brooke... All your shirts are tight! Oh My God!" Lucas said shocked.

"What?" Brooke yelled running over to Lucas.

"It's a joint, Brooke are you getting high?" Lucas asked

"Right... Because with my attitude I really need to get high"

"Well someone in this house is" Lucas said picking up the joint.

"Hmm, Lucas I think it is time we did some detective work! This is going to be so much fun! YAY!" Brooke giggled bouncing up in down in her bra.

"We can be like Turner and Hooch!"

"Brooke Hooch was a dog..." Lucas said

"Yea... well you act like one sometimes so it's the same difference!" Brooke laughed.

"Yea... Why do I have the feeling this is going to be more like Nancy Drew on steroids?"

"Come on Broody! If you love me, and all that good stuff you will help me! We have to figure out who it is!" Brooke begged.

"Some on us have jobs..." Lucas said looking at his watch

"Not for 30 more minutes! Come on lets go investigate!"

"Brooke... Brooke your in your bra!" Lucas yelled following her out. She didn't seem to care. He had to admit this was one of the things he loved about her. Her craziness. It was also one of the things that drove him mad.

"Nathan! You better hurt up! You are going to be late for work!" Haley yelled into the shower.

"Maybe I will get fired and then I wont have to work there anymore!" Nathan yelled back

"Yea! And then you could stay here all day and look at porn and watch TV and get fat and loose your girlfriend!" Haley said in a sarcastic voice.

"Ha, ha, you mean Fiancé" Nathan yelled back

"Not if you loose this job!"

"Annie dearest! Must you go?" Tim asked rubbing his stomach.

"Timothy... You are not pregnant" Annie said smiling.

"Yes I am! The good lord dude felt it right to give us a child! He said we should name him Hasty"

"Timothy, Sweet, sweet Timothy... I know you are having all of these feelings but this just can happen" Annie said pinching his cheeks.

"Now be a sweet boy and help me change the linens in the bedro... Oh sweet Jesus! Ginger!" Annie yelled opening the door to Matt's room.

"Annie... we, we were just Um, He was showing me as spot he thought might be cancer!" Ginger said covering up with the sheets!

"Wha, Uh, Ah" Was all Annie would muster.

"Do ya mind shutting the door?" Whitey asked not at all fazed by this incident.

"Peyton! Peyton! Peyton!" Brooke yelled from outside the bathroom door

"What! I am getting ready!"

"I have to pee!" Brooke whined

"Well... Go somewhere else!"

"I cant! Peyton! Let me in! Peyton I am serious if I wet me pants I am going to kill you!" Brooke cried.

"Fine!" Peyton said opening the door.

"Right thanks... I don't really have to pee... I just wanted to see if you were smoking in the bathroom... Thanks!"

"Lucas! It isn't Peyton!" Brooke yelled down the hall still in her bra.

"Brooke!" Annie yelled

"I am uh, I am busy!"

"Now! You have to baby-sit!" Annie screamed.

"Well we know it isn't her!"

Nathan and Lucas drove to Pete's pizza. Neither of them wanted to be there at all.

"So... You and Brooke got in late last night" Nathan said turning down Main Street.

"Yea... she made he take her to the pool hall where we proceeded to act out our first date" Lucas laughed.

"Interesting... I proposed to Haley" Nathan said smiling

"Interesting" Lucas, laughed.

"She said yes"

"Yea I know Brooke told me" Lucas said

"Damn that woman doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut!" Nathan complained turning into the parking lot.

"Are you ready for this?" Lucas laughed.

Tim paced up and down the hall waiting for Brooke to help him baby-sit.

"Your late! And you have a hicky on your neck! What kind of role model are you? Huh? Huh?" Tim asked once Brooke walked up.

"Right Um, Lucas and I, wait why am I explaining this to you? You're the one who swears you re pregnant! You're a man Dumbo!"

"Look Brooke! If you ruin this for me I will never speak to you again! Now lets just go baby sit these kids!" Tim said seriously.

"Wait... Kids?"

"Yes, Dear Sweet Annie needed a shopping day so we are watching Sam and David along with Charles" Tim said walking into the Twins room where the 3 were waiting.

"Tim... Can we saw Mrs. Robinson! Or Tamara Jacobs? You're never going to get this woman! She is married for god shakes!"

"Peyton is supportive!" Tim said

"Wonder why! Taken guys are kind of her specialty! Now how am I going to investigate while watching 3 kids?"

Peyton walked into the small music studio.

"Hello there, you must be Peyton" A voice said behind her

"Yea"

"Yes ma'am you mean?" the voice said

"No... I mean yea... This isn't the military." Peyton said very annoyed with this woman.

"Well then if you want to act like that then you can go to time out!" The lady said pointing to a chair complete with chains and ropes.

"You're kidding me right?"

"GO!" They lady yelled hitting a ruler on the desk.

"Hey Deanna, I need a loan... No not for killing someone...No not to kill Peyton! Well Jordan was wrong, I need money to figure out who is smoking the crack... wait can I call you back?" Brooke asked hearing the TV as she shoved a bottle into Charles nose missing his mouth.

"Is your boyfriends family dysfunctional? Does he have a half brother? Is his best friend engaged to his half brother? Did he cheat on you with your best friend? Are you back together? Does his father hate him? Does his uncle have a drinking problem? Is your friend in love with an older married woman with 7 kids who is goody, goody? If you answered yes to any of these questions call to be on Jerry Springer today!"

"Hello Yes... I answered yes to all of those questions! Yes... Really? YAY!! Yes My name is Brooke Davis..." Brooke said into the phone after hearing the Jerry Springer ending.

"Guess what Tim! We get to be on Jerry Springer!"

Spoilers for like the next 4 chapters: We fond out who is smoking the crack! Brooke, Lucas and everyone including the Camden's get to be on Jerry Springer. Someone gets married... and its not who you think, or maybe it is. Muhahahaha, Brooke, Lucas, Nathan, Haley, Matt, Peyton, and Martin take a trip to the Wilmington battleship, after hours. We get to see more into their jobs, School starts... and more!!


	11. School

Ok you guysâ This is a long Chapter! The next chapter is the Jerry Springer! It should be REALLY funny... but I need to watch some Jerry Springer before I write it hahaha

Hope you guys like this chapter! Please review!!

Thank you Deanna!!! You are the bestest!! hahaha

Brooke tiptoed down the hall to hers, Haley and Peyton's room. Hiding the fact that she had been sleeping in Lucas, Nathan, and Tim's room was getting harder and harder to hide from the Camden's, especially Annie. Tim wasn't helping the matter. Every morning he felt the need to make some sort of comment to Annie that gave her that little bit suspicion that Brooke and Lucas weren't exactly following the Camden's No Sex rule.

They had been living with the Camden's 3 months now. The past month had been pretty normalâ at least from Brooke's point of view. Lucas and Nathan had both been fired from their jobs at Pete's pizza for spitting in people's food and changing the names of items menu's to mean dirty things like changing the foot long hot dog to "Huge Yummy wiener" so they were now teaching the boys at church basketball. Peyton was still working at the Christian pop place, and came home with mysterious bruises everyday. Haley, the only one who half way liked her job now hated it because some of the children were smarter than her and ended up teaching her a few things. Brookeâ well she had managed to only drop Charles on his head twice since she started and had educated the twins on Jerry Springer with in the first week since they were going to be in it in October. Tim on the other hand was absolutely no help baby-sitting because he was always complaining of morning sickness. This was just their new life.

"Rise and shine! Give god your glory!" Annie sang walking down the hall just as Brooke jumped in her bed.

"Brookeâ Come on what is this like the 12th night in a row? Have you ever slept in your bed?" Haley complained

"Calm down Judge Judy. It's not my fault you aren't getting any" Brooke giggled.

"Hey, that is by choiceâ Doesn't it get old?"

"I am going to pretend that I didn't just hear you sat that tutor girl, I am just taking care of mine and Lucas's sexual healthâ if you have a problem with that we can address it October 13 with our good friend Jerry."

"Girls! Wake up and great this glorious day god has blessed us with! You must get ready for your first day of schoolâ Brooke please take in to account that there is a dress code" Annie said smiling.

"Hey Brookeâ She stole your mood" Peyton laughed

"She's just happy that we are all going to be out of the house, then she can smoke her dope" Brooke said acting like she knew what she was talking about. She and Lucas had done a lot of research but still hadn't been able to find the druggie in the family.

"You don't know it's her" Haley said trying to see the other side

"You don't know it isn't! Or do you? Haley tutor girl James! You know who it is don't you? Tell me! Oh please, pleaseâ just bring this little bit of joy into my dull life" Brooke begged

"I don't know who it isâ I am just saying it could be someone else. Your dull life?"

"Protudoâ Tutor girlâ I am on to you" Brooke said giving her the look

"Protudo?" Peyton laughed

"Yea I was bored baby sitting those little monsters the other day so I made it up"

"What does it mean?"

"It means whatever I want it too whenever I want it tooâ You 2 have no imaginationâ I am going to talk to Broody and Tim, at least they are interesting" Brooke said hopping off the bed throwing pillows at both of them.

"Have fun!"

"Dude so you are Brooke are getting pretty serious?" Nathan asked getting dressed

"I don't knowâ She is Brookeâ I love her to death but its kind of hard to say Brooke and serious in the same sentence. That's like saying Tim and smart in the same sentence, it just isn't right" Lucas laughed.

"Broody! You ready to corrupt this school!" Brooke yelled walking into the boy's room.

"Brooke, I'm naked here" Nathan screamed covering up.

"Wowâ You really are captain obvious aren't you? Hey you might wanna move your hands a little to the rightâ Your sticking out" Brooke giggled.

"Just because you let the whole world see you naked doesn't mean I want too!" Nathan said annoyed

"Hey! Not the whole worldâ Just whoever happens to be watching Peyton's web cam when I am dunk"

"Do you guys think I am starting to show?" Tim asked pointing out an area on his stomach.

"Timâ your not pregnant!" Nathan, Lucas and Brooke all 3 yelled at the same time.

"Your just jealous!" Tim said getting emotional and covering his face

"Ok you 3 boys have fun! Don't do anything dirty without me! I gotta go get ready"

Martin sat on his bed doing the final touches to his Peyton collage. He had spent the past month collecting little things for his Peyton Book. July 6 he had gotten a strand of her hair, July 18 he had gotten a piece of her bacon and taken her DNA off of it in case he were to ever need it. July 26, Her tamponâ Ect; the book was coming along nicely.

"Your beautifulâ Just beautiful and your mine" Martin said kissing the collage

"Who's beautiful?" Peyton asked walking into his room.

"Ohâ Um, You" Martin said hiding the collage of Peyton pictures

"Thank you, so are you walking me to school or what?"

"Sure" Martin smiled

"Brooke and Lucas are walking on their ownâ so they night never make it if you know what I mean but Nathan and Haley might want to walk with us too"

"You still like him!" Martin yelled throwing his hands in the air

"Who? Nathan! God no he is dating Haley, what makes you think I like Nathan?"

"The way you say his nameâ Nathan, unlike how Brooke says it, Nathan. You love him!" Martin screamed

"Your insane!" Peyton yelled back

"Woah! What's going on here? Barbie and Ken just find out they were brother and sister?" Brooke asked prancing into the room.

"Martin thinks I still like Nathan!"

"Oh My God you still like Nathan! I knew you wanted him back! What is it with you and taken men! Peyton they don't want you!" Brooke giggled

"Ha, ha Brookeâ Now go!"

"Fineâ But just to let you knowâ I have my eye on you Peyton Sawyerâ Lucas is mine!"

"Brian! Must you leave me and go back to that retched place?" Ginger cried.

"I have tooâ Dr. Phil calledâ He wants me on his diet program. But I will be back for you my love" Whitey said kissing her.

"But Brian! I like you just the way you are! I meanâ You can resist your fat?" Ginger said kissing him

Haley, Nathan, Martin, Peyton, Simon, Cecelia, Tim and Ruthie walked down the sidewalk to school.

"Where are Brooke and Lucas?" Haley asked looking around.

"Brookeâ Lucasâ Come on! You cant stop and make out and every sign that says speed hump" Peyton yelled looking at Brooke and Lucas who were practically stripping by the sign.

"Why not? We are testing the theoryâ Speed hump? Can it be done?" Brooke yelled back.

"She is so cool" Ruthie said smiling

"That is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen! They can not keep their hands off of each other" Cecelia said adjusting her hair bow.

"Yeaâ You should have seen them when we had sex Ed last year at school before they broke up. They asked Brooke and Lucas to demonstrate." Peyton laughed.

"I heard thatâAt least I wasn't like you on Hooker street!" Brooke said walking up beside her with her hair going every which way.

"I think you cut yourself shaving" Simon said pointing to Lucas's neck.

"Or not" Nathan laughed

"Well I think you two are disgustingâ My dear little baby will never be exposed to thatâ Only porn" Tim cooed at his stomach.

"That's disgusting" Haley laughed

"Oh dear sweet little innocent Haleyâ You will know the joy of carrying your own baby one dayâ You too Lucas" Tim said wiping a tear from his cheek

"Heyâ Lucas you call me babyâ I think it's about time you carried me, my feet hurt" Brooke whined

"My god you are needy womanâ Hey Haley you call me baby don't you want to carry me?" Nathan asked.

Annie drove down the road to drop the twins off at school.

"Ok boys this is your very first day of school! What are you going to tell your teacher?" Annie asked using her spit to wipe their cow licks down.

"That we are very happy to be in her class" Sam said smiling

"And that chocolate syrup makes for good body paint" David said.

"David! Don't you speak! No! You repeat your brother do you hear me?" Annie yelled

"But that's what Brooke said"

"Brooke is a naughty girl" Annie said slamming her hands down.

"That is what Lucas calls her at night. Naughty, naughty girl" Sam said

"No! Sam you are the good one! Don't convert!" Annie shrieked.

Whitey walked down the hall towards the kitchen to got one final snack before he changed his life forever.

"So how do you like having the name Whitey?" Eric asked standing on his head reading the paper.

"It'sâ Fine"

"You are such a good man" Eric grinned.

"Yeaâ I get that" Whitey laughed

"God loves you"

"I see" Whitey said

"Yesâ God loves everyone"

"YAY! Lucas look how big this school is! Do you know how many people we are going to be able to corrupt? Imagine the rumors I can spread! The people's lives I can ruin!" Brooke said bouncing up and down.

"Brooke has died and gone to heaven" Peyton laughed.

"Moo" Tim said

"What?"

"Mooâ I am teaching the baby what sound a piggy makes" Tim said rubbing his stomach.

"Timâ A piggy doesn't say Mooâ It says, waitâ I know thisâ I like just read it in one of those pop up books. What the hell it says my name is Cecelia" Brooke giggled

"Watch it Bettie" Cecelia said

"Its BrookeâBr-ookâ It comes right after Broody in the dictionary."

"Not again! You 2 need to get lives" Nathan complained

"She started it" Cecelia whined

"And I will finish it too!"

"Come on Brookeâ Lets go get our schedules" Lucas said pulling Brooke towards the school.

"Haleyâ We could still ditch you know" Nathan said pulling her close to kiss her.

"We could still break up too" Haley said smiling.

"I can't believe this!" Brooke said looking at her schedule

"What?"

"I have every class with Nathan and none with Lucas!" Brooke whined.

"Same hereâ All my classes are with Lucas and none with Nathan" Haley said showing Brooke her schedule.

"Wanna trade?"

"Brooke we can't do that!" Haley said

"Whyâ Come on I can be Haley and you can be Brookeâ Pleaseâ Pleaseâ please" Brooke begged

"Noâ I wont do it"

"If you do this for me you can be Nicole and Peyton will be Tinker Belle" Brooke said waving the schedule in front of her.

"Really? All right but you have to be good! This is important" Haley said very seriously.

"Yay! All right Broody! Lets get this show on the road" She couldn't wait to se the kids in this school.

"Waitâ can you guys walk me to class?" Ruthie asked

"Sure!" Brooke said smiling. That poor kid had o many issues maybe if she was seen with Lucas and Brooke people would think she was cool.

"Greatâ All my classes are with Brooke" Cecelia complained.

"Mine are with Martin" Peyton smiled

"Mine too" Simon said.

"What an interesting year this is going to be."

"Party tonight at our house!" Deanna said handing out flyers

"Yep! BYO Everything!" Jordan joined in

Everyone walked to his or her classes. Brooke couldn't wait. Her first class was Social Studiesâ well actually it was Math but Math was her time to work on her social life and to study everyone else's

"Good morning boys and girls. My name is Ms. Lolly! I am so pleased to have you all in my classâ now lets start off by everyone standing up and saying their name and what they did this summer." The teacher smiled.

"My name is Ester and I went to church" A girl with two pigtails smiled.

"My name is Carrie and I went and helped out at the soup kitchen" Another girl smiled

"My name is Cecelia and I worked on school work" Cecelia said proudly

"My name is Lucas and I bought a lot whipped cream" Lucas laughed

"My name is Br- I mean Haley and I finally let the coolest girl in the whole wide worldâ Brooke corrupt me to her evil side" Brooke said when it was her turn.

"Wellâ That is interestingâ Now I am going to turn the lights off and we are going to look at some math problems on the overhead" Ms. Lolly said.

"Lucas" Brooke whispered about 10 minutes into class

"What?"

"Wanna make out?" Brooke asked smiling seductivelyâ It wasn't like it mattered if they got caught. She was Haley Jamesâ Not Brooke Davis.

"What? Where?" Lucas asked not quite turning down the offer.

"The moonâ Here! Where else?"

"Ok"

Haley sat in class feeling guilty for changing schedules. She hated it how Brooke always talked her into these crazy plans. But on the other handâ it was Brooke who got her and Nathan together.

"Now classâ Who was Whitman?" The teacher asked.

"Brooke?"

"Umâ Umâ The guy from Roswell that died?" Haley said trying to think like Brooke.

"NoâNathan?"

"Um, isn't she that porn star, I mean movie star in Good Will Hump—hunting?" Nathan asked

"Noâ. Simon?"

"A writer" Simon said proudly.

"Very good! Your such a smart boy!"

"Try Mama's boy" Nathan laughed

"Excuse meâMr. Scott is there something you would like to say to this class?" The teacher asked.

"Yesâthere isâ Simon Camden is a mama's boy and I love Haley Jamesâ Oh and chicken, I really like chicken"

"Is there something wrong with being a mama's boy?" The teacher asked sternly.

"Yeaâ dude its just nasty"

Meanwhileâ In Brooke and Lucas's class.

"Ms. Lolly! Those too are kissing!" Cecelia yelled pointing to Brooke and Lucas.

"Who's Brooke?" Brooke asked sitting back up in her seat.

"Ceceliaâ we aren't here to play gamesâ Not please raise your hand next time"

"Lucas" Brooke whispered

"Brookeâ we are going to get caught"

"Not if we go to the eraser room" Brooke said pointing towards the door.

"And how are we going to do that?"

"Ms. Lolly? May I please go to the ladies room? It is kind of an emergency" Brooke said sweetly.

"Of course dear"

"Meet me there" Brooke said as she walked past Lucas

"Uhâ Ms. Lollyâ I need to go tooâ Brooke and I had the same thing for breakfast"

"Yes but hurry up"

Annie walked down the isles of the grocery store looking for what she was going to cook for dinner.

"Annieâ Annie Camden?" A voice said behind her.

"Yes" Annie said turning around.

"Its me! Nicolasâ well Nikki Nowâ I had a sex change operation a few years agoâ remember we dated in High School?"

"Oh My Goodness Nickâ How are you?" Annie said hugging the "it"

"I am doing wellâ Actually I am on my way back from Seattle. My Daughter Jennyâ She was kidnapped and well someone told me I could find her thereâthey lied"

"You have a daughter? How?" Annie asked confused.

"Ohâ I adopted herâ Just don't tell her father Jake"

"Well I sorry she as kidnappedâ Do you need a place to stay?" Annie asked patting Nikki on the shoulder.

"That would be great!" Nikki said hugging Annie.

"They did a god job on the operationâ Where have you been living?"

"Tree Hill North Carolina" Nikki said annoyed.

"You have to be joshing me! I have 6 kids from there staying with me right now! Haley, Nathan, Peyton, Tim, Lucas, and Brooke" Annie smiled.

"Well, well, well, isn't this just a small world"

Brooke waited in the eraser room for Lucas. She loved the guy dearly but he was slow as the itch!

"What took you so long?" Brooke complained.

"I had to pee" Lucas said kissing her.

"This is so cliché" Brooke laughed.

"Its too dark! How are we going to do anything?"

"Well you undressed me quickâ wait that was you right?" Brooke asked

"Yes"

"Your just going to have to feel around" Brooke giggled knocking over a huge pile of erasers

"Oops!"

"Is someone in there?" A voice said outside the door.

"No!" Brooke yelled

"Brooke!"

"Sorry!" she giggled.

"You 2 with me!" A teacher said opening the door.

"Can I get dressed first?"

After Brooke was dressed they followed the man to the office where he called Annie.

"This is crazy! I told you I was giving him CPR! He was choking! Lucas what have I told you about eating erasers? Huh?" Brooke asked

"And you were naked because?"

"Heâ was like Hypothermic and I had to warm him up?" Brooke asked

"And the hickey on his neck?"

Spoilers: Jerry Springer!! The kids take a trip to the NC Battle shipâ after hours! Whats up with Nikki? Who gets married? Who is the druggie? Plus more! Please review!


	12. Nikki

Ok... Here is a chapter... I am working on the Jerry one hahaha, Its gonna be great. Then the one after that one is Hilarious too! Then we will probably have a closing chapter and after that I am going to make it in the future like maybe 5 years for the last chapter. We will see who ended up together and fun stuff like that! Sorry this chapter kinda sucks... But I SWEAR to you guys the next one is gonna be GREAT!! Hahaha I can't wait! Please review

"I can not believe the suspended us for that! I mean it wasn't like we were..." Brooke started but Lucas interrupted

"Having sex... Well we were like this close" Lucas laughed

"Still! They have no proof! Oh well... a week at home. I guess that gives us more time to figure out who is smoking the bad crack" Brooke giggled excitedly.

"Not that again..."

"Come on Clyde! What? You know you wanna know... it's eating away at you and you dream about it every night" Brooke begged

"No I don't... but if you are dreaming about that I am doing something seriously wrong in our relationship" Lucas laughed

"You know what I... Oh my god Broody! Look, look, look!" Brooke screamed as they walked past a the country club swimming pool

"Brooke...No... it's not open"

"Oh Please Luke! It will be fun!" Brooke begged staring longingly at the pool.

"We don't have bathing suits"

"I know... All the better! Fine Lucas... be that way... If you don't want to go skinny dipping with your hot girlfriend than maybe I am doing something wrong in this relationship and..."

"Fine" Lucas said in defeat

"Yay! You're the best boyfriend ever!" Brooke giggled running towards the pool

"My god that woman is going to kill me!"

Haley walked with Nathan and Tim towards the cafeteria after their last class.

"Would the 2 of you be dears and get me some yogurt... I am going to sit down, I am feeling a little nauseous" Tim said rubbing his stomach

"Sure man... Whatever I can do to help" Nathan said patting him on the shoulder.

"Nathan! What are you doing? Don't feed into his lunacy!" Haley yelled hitting him in the shoulder

"Hales I was just thinking... What if he is pregnant, he said I could be uncle Natie! And that may be the only niece or nephew I ever have" Nathan complained

"Nathan! At this rate Brooke will probably be pregnant in 6 months tops...there you go..."

"Yea... but Brooke and Lucas? That thing will be like Rosemary's baby. I don't want anything to do with it" Nathan said grabbing Tim some yogurt

"Hey guys... what's happening?" Peyton asked walking up beside them

"Talking about Tim's "baby"" Haley laughed

"Oh I know! Martin and I get to be god parents!" Peyton said

"Ah! What am I doing here with all you crazies! Tim is not pregnant!" Haley screamed.

"Geez Hales... Maybe you need to smoke some of that dope that Brooke and Lucas found" Nathan said patting her on the shoulder.

"Speaking of Brooke and Lucas, Have you guys seen them?" Peyton asked looking around

Meanwhile...

"Brooke... I am not jumping off the diving board naked!" Lucas said for the 5th time

"Come on, I'll do it if you do it" Brooke begged. As much as she loved Lucas Scott he had turned into one boring boy without her around to corrupt him.

"Peer pressure huh? Fine... If I will jump off in my underwear"

"No! Lucas... ok fine but you have to do that funky chicken move that Mouth always does at parties as you jump" Brooke giggled

"No..."

"Chicken!" Brooke screamed really loud

"Brooke... Shh... Ok fine... 1 time! But then you have to do it" Lucas laughed slipping on his underwear

"Yay! Your such a good boyfriend!" Brooke giggled

Lucas climbed out of the pool onto the driving board

"Alright 1, 2,"

"Hold it right there, kids" A police officer said looking right at Brooke and Lucas

"Oh Crap!" Brooke yelled trying to get her clothes back on

"You to get dressed and come with me" the officer said pointing to his car

"Whistle while we word" Annie sang as she cleaned under Brooke's bed in the girl's room.

"So... These kids you have staying with you Annie dear. They are pretty mature?" Nikki asked helping Annie clear out the bed

"Oh yes, I have to say I wouldn't even have them in my house if I didn't feel that the good lord wanted me to save them" Annie said throwing a box of condoms on the trashcan.

"I see" Nikki said pretending not to know them

"Now that Brooke girl... She is something else... she turns the other ones bad as fast as I can turn them good! And now she has started on my sweet boys!" Annie said almost crying

"You should let me take a swing at this Brooke...I think I could knock some since into her for the both of us" Nikki laughed

"I might just do that" Annie said throwing an empty can of whipped crème away

Tim, Haley, Nathan, Martin, Peyton, Simon, Cecelia, and Ruthie sat at the table eating.

"I was thinking about going to the library and buying little Hasty here a book... What should I get?" Tim asked the table

"How about Pregnancy for Dummies... and while you there get me Tim for dummies" Haley said annoyed

"Come on Hales Show the love" Nathan said

"Yea Haley... You shouldn't judge poor Tim for what he wants to believe. You believe Nathan is hott and he don't judge you" Peyton laughed

"Where the hell are Brooke and Lucas?"

"You mean Haley and Lucas? They got suspended for making love in the eraser room" Cecelia whispered

"Great... Just great that is really going to look good on my college application" Haley cried putting her head in Nathan's lap

"Hey... It shows character babe... If I were the admissions people I would let you in" Nathan comforted

"Yea... If you were the admissions people Tim would get in!"

Lucas and Brooke said soaking wet in the back of the police car.

"So what I was thinking... Me... I am like Tigger, because I am all bouncy, but Peyton she is like Eyore because she mopes a lot, and Haley is like Piglet! Because she is like afraid and stuff... see what I am saying?" Brooke asked

"Brooke... we are sitting in the back of a police car and all you have to talk about is how you, Haley and Peyton compare to Winnie the Pooh? Who would I be?"

"You are like the bear, whatever his name is, don't worry, I have a plan... You never trust me Lucas... never" Brooke said crossing her arms.

"Alright... you 2 I am new in this town so I am afraid I don't know your names..." The officer said turning into the police station

"Right... Our names" Lucas stuttered

"Cecelia... Cecelia Smith and Simon Camden" Brooke smiled. Sometimes she even surprised her self with how smart she could be.

"Right... Cecelia and Simon well I am going to have to call your parents" The officer said finishing off his donut.

"Do you really want to do that Mr. Officer man? Wow... That outfit is so tight on you... It forms around your fat so well... You are so sexy, what do you say we leave Simon here in the car and you and I go and... talk" Brooke said smiling seductively and rubbing the officers shoulders.

"Um, sure" The officer smiled

"Right... Why don't you go over there to that building and I will meet you there..."

"Ok...." The officer said grinning from ear to ear.

"So she helped that Jake boy kid nap your sweet little baby and sent you to the wrong place to get her?" Annie asked tears streaming down her face

"Yes... All because she was upset I wouldn't sleep with her" Nikki said pretending to cry

"That is horrible! I knew there was something off with that girl! Well we will do something about it as soon as everyone gets home" Annie said comforting Nikki

"Thank you Annie... I always knew you were a wonderful girl... If only I had stayed a 50 year old man... Then we might have something" Nikki smiled

"Well I had better go and get the boys from school... It was there first day you know"

"Yes... You do that" Nikki smiled

"Go Lucas! He is going to come out any minute looking for us!" Brooke yelled as they ran down the street away from the police station

"I am going! Where are we going to go?"

"Home and hide upstairs... They will never find us there!" Brooke said turning behind an old building

"Wait... Come in here! Lucas said running into an AA building

"Lucas... I know I like to drink but come on... I don't need AA"

"No to hide Brooke..." Lucas said pulling her into the session

"Yes... May we help you?" The woman standing at the front of the room asked

"Yea... Um, My name is Deb Scott and I am an alcoholic! Brooke said out of breath.

"Hello Deb" Everyone said

"And you sir?"

"Um... Um... My name is Keith Scott and I am an alcoholic?" Lucas asked

"Yes you are... Very good of you admitting this Keith..."

"Hello Keith" Everyone said

"I also have a problem with showing way too much cleavage and wearing close that are way too hoochy for a 47 year old woman!" Brooke said trying to think of things she hated about Deb

"Yea... and I am just kind of a Goomer and everyone calls me Boozy" Lucas laughed

"It's ok... we are here to help you too... My name is Julie" The lady said

"Julie was an alcoholic" Everyone said together

"Looks like she converts people to zombies now...." Brooke whispered

"We have found a way to get away from our drinking problems... we eat now... non stop" Julie smiled

"Wow... Your right Id dint notice it before but there is no one in this room under 200 pounds is there?" Lucas asked

"No..." Everyone smiled

"Right... well I think it is time Boozy and I here left... Nice to see you all" Brooke smiled

"No! You must stay!" Julie yelled

"No... really its ok... Um we need to get out of here... You don't want Keith here to blow up the place with his flammable gas now do you?"

"Now, now, now, you are here... You must now sit here and tell everyone your story and why you are an alcoholic" Julie said pointing them to 2 empty chairs

"Oh god... Annie said I as going to have to pay for my sins... Maybe she was right!"

"Ok my sweet boys, how was school?" Annie asked loading the boys into the car

"Good" Sam said

"Yea good" David repeated

"That's my good boys..." Annie smiled

"We learned a new song! B is for Bunny, bounce, bounce, bounce " Sam said excitedly

"But then I changed the words to B is for Beer, booz, booz, booz!" David said proudly

"No!"

Peyton walked down the street with Martin.

"So Peyton... I think we should take the next step in our relationship" Martin said kissing her

"What? Like go steady?" Peyton laughed

"I was going to say more like get married" Martin said

"What? Married? You and me? Are you crazy?" Peyton yelled

"Crazy in love with you!" Martin smiled

"Martin... I don't think we are ready for that I mean... Come on..."

"Peyton! I love you! If I didn't I wouldn't have spent he past 3 weeks collecting everything from your hair to your spit!" Martin pleaded

"Ew! You got my spit? What the hell did you want that for?"

"Let me show you something..." Martin said pulling her towards a big building

"What?"

"Well... I don't know how to tell you this but... I had you cloned!" Martin yelled

"What?" Peyton yelled

"Just kidding... but they said as soon as they know how to clone they will clone you, But seriously... marry me?"

Brooke and Lucas walked towards the house, Lucas giving Brooke a piggyback ride since she had forgotten her shoes at the pool.

"Good Job Lucas..." Brooke laughed

"What? Would you rather be in jail right now?" Lucas asked

"Thanks Luke" Brooke smiled

"For what?"

"For everything I guess... But mostly the sex" Brooke giggled

"Your welcome, we're here" Lucas said dropping her down

"Well well well, Yes you are" Nikki smiled from the door

"Oh God... This is so typical... Nikki, Nikki, Nikki, What are you doing here?" Brooke asked glaring at Nikki

"Well on my way back from Seattle I thought I would stop here and see my old friend Annie. Lucas I see you took the whore back. I figured you would, Your both lying assholes" Nikki smiled

"Hey!" Lucas started

"Calm down Luke... my fight is with Lea here"

"What Nikki... Get to Seattle and realize little Jenny wasn't there?" Brooke laughed

"Something like that"

"Oh My God Luke! This is perfect! Nikki bitch here can come and be on Jerry with us! This is totally awesome!"

Spoilers: JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!


	13. JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Ok for this chapter to be its funniest you have to read it slow and picture it in your head. I tried to stay up and watch Jerry last night but I was on the computer and didn't pay attention... bad, bad me, so I did the best I could to make it realistic... Plus OTH starts today so I am really hyper! Hope you like it and PLEASE review!

"I can't believe they won't let us lie about anything, we have to change our names and our accents and tell everyone we live in trailers..." Brooke whined as they drove to film Jerry.

"Brooke... Our lives are already screwed up enough... Why fake it? " Lucas laughed kissing her on the forehead.

"Still...Most people get to say they were married to their brother or something sick like that... Then again living in Tree Hill with Dan Scott... Who knows? You could be my brother" Brooke giggled

"Haha, Your funny you know that?"

"I love road trips! They are fun! Hey Peyton give me an R... Peyton! Come on be fun!"

"I am working on the things I am going to yell at you and call you... But it's taking forever" Peyton laughed

"Really? I wrote like 6 pages of things I'm gonna call you in like 5 minutes..."

"Alright you two... Lets talk about something else" Lucas said stopping the fight before it started

"Ok Broody, what bad stuff are you going to say about me?" Brooke asked turning towards Lucas

"Um, Uh," Lucas stuttered

"Right... I thought that would be your reply so I wrote down a list for you... Study, study, study!" Brooke giggled. This was like the best thing that had happened in forever!

"Brooke is a seductive hoochy who only wants kinky sex?" Lucas laughed

"That's me!" Brooke smiled

"She offered me threesomes and paid a guy to party with her?"

"Well... I had to exaggerate... I mean sure I was drunk at one point and hormonal the other time but it makes for good drama" Brooke pointed out

"And what are you going to say about me?" Lucas asked

"It's a surprise... But I think you get the gist" Brooke said pointing to Peyton who was frantically writing

"Right... So Nate, Hales... What are you two going to talk about?" Lucas asked turning to Nathan and Haley who were cuddled up in the backseat

"Lucas... They don't have to write that down... His issue is she wont give him sex, hers is she secretly harbors a crush on you...No need for faking that" Brooke giggled. She was so excited she was almost shaking

"Yes... I am secretly in love with Lucas!" Haley laughed

"I thought so... It kind of sucks how they only accepted a few of us though..." Brooke said disappointed

"What's the schedule again?" Nathan asked looking at Peyton's sheet

"First its Me, Broody, and Peyton, Then its Dan, Keith, Deb, and Karen, Then it is Tutor girl and Nate, and finally Tim, Annie and Eric. They were gonna throw Nikki bitch in with us but they don't have the time so she is just there to watch" Brooke spouted off having memorized the schedule weeks ago

"I watched Jerry last night and most of the people up there have like 5 illegitimate children"

"Don't worry between Nikki and Dan... that's pretty much taken care of... Hey Luke! We can make some illegitimate children right now if you want" Brooke giggled and winked at Lucas. She loved to watch him squirm

"You 2 are disgusting" everyone gagged

Tim, Annie, Eric, a Nikki rode in their separate van, everyone was quiet still not sure if they were doing the right thing.

"It's a beautiful day..." Eric sang with a huge grin on his face

"Why yes it is... And we are going to waste it on this horrible show" Annie complained

"It is a very interesting show... Not that I will ever let little Hasty watch it...Hey Nikki, You wanna feel the baby kick?" Tim asked smiling and rubbing his stomach

"Right...I would but I am doing my eyeliner... The doctors couldn't quite get the eyes the way they wanted them so the eyeliner helps hide the truth" Nikki smiled

"What that you are a lying, leaving, cheating skank who doesn't deserve the precious child that god has blessed you with?" Tim asked

"No, that I'm a man baby" Nikki laughed her evil laugh

"Smile... be happy now," Eric laughed bobbing his head back and forth as he drove

"We're here" Annie said quietly as they drove up to the studio

"So, what exactly is this for?" Deb asked putting on her lipstick

"All Brooke said on the phone was that we were doing a televised charity event on PBS" Karen smiled, not having a clue the real reason they were there

"I don't do charity!" Dan yelled

"It will be fine for me... I am use to the whole TV thing now" Keith said proudly

"Well whatever it is for, we're here... Is that Brooke and Lucas making out against the van?" Deb laughed as they pulled into the Studios

"I don't want to know" Karen whined

"Alright... Think it is out of our system?" Brooke asked pulling away from Lucas

"Yea... and if not then it will be in about 2 hours when we are yelling at each other" Lucas laughed

"Very true...Just remember I don't mean any of it... Or I mean all of it... Not sure yet! Ok Good Luck!" Brooke smiled kissing Lucas one last time and then running over to meet Haley and Peyton

"Ok Tutor girl... Most likely I wont be yelling anything at you so... Good luck, Goldilocks here on the other hand... Your going down!" Brooke giggled hugging both girls

"Karen and Deb look pretty confused..."

"Right... That would be because I told them this was a charity event for Maple Syrup Urine Disease" Brooke laughed clapping her hands together

"Huh?" Haley and Peyton both asked

"MSUD... You know it's like some kind of disease that the person with it can't metabolize protein" Brooke answered

"Ok, Who are you and what did you do with Brooke?" Peyton asked putting her hand on Brooke's forehead

"What? I saw it on Maury when I was babysitting like 3 weeks ago and I figured that it sounded so fake that your Karen, Deb, Goomer and Danny boy would have to believe it!"

"Brooke... You do realize that they are going to find out"

"Oh My God Really? Because I didn't know that! Of course they are going to find out... Like when it is their time to go up," Brooke giggled feeling very proud of herself

The girls spent the next hour piling on make up and finding the most revealing clothes possible. The funny thing was when it was all over Brooke ended up being the least hoochy while Haley was the most.

"Tutor Girl! Look at you! Your... your... Your like falling out...gross" Brooke said turning away

"Yea... Some woman, or at least I think it was a woman named Bertha came in and picked it out" Haley said crossing her arms

"Well... I gotta go! I get to be first! Wish my luck" Brooke giggled skipping out of the room towards the stage

"She is gonna need it" Peyton and Haley both laughed

"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" The audience yelled as Brooke waited to be motioned out

"Yes... Welcome to another episode of Jerry Springer, Today we have a special episode, Tree Hill Travesties. We are going to meet the young folks from the small town of Tree Hill North Carolina and get caught up on all of their relationships. First out we have Brookkina. Brookkina's best friend Peytonisazombie stole her boyfriend Lucasachoke right our from under her nose...which according to friends is very uncanny, Now Brookkina! Come on out" Jerry said

The audience went crazy as Brooke walked out on stage.

"Now Brookkina... Tell us a little bit about your situation" Jerry said once she sat down

"Well" Brooke said in a deep southern accent

"I was dating Lucasachoke and we was happy... Until that whore came and stole him!" Brooke yelled. It was taking everything she had not to laugh

"I see, and do you still want him back, even after what he did to you?" Jerry asked

"Actually we are back together right now... But I think that whore wants him again!" Brooke said eyeing Peyton and Lucas who were standing in the curtains laughing

"Right now lets bring out Peytonisazombie!" Jerry yelled motioning for Peyton to come out

"Oh no you don't!" Peyton yelled walking out with heavy eyeliner on

"What? What? You think you can steel my Lucasisajsf whatever" Brooke asked forgetting the name they had given him

"You don't even know his name Woman! Besides you aint nothing but trailer trash! That's all! Why would he want that? Huh? Huh?" Peyton asked lunging at Brooke

"I live in a double wide thank you very much! Besides he says you are like a dead fish in bed... He is a man! He has needs!" Brooke yelled. Part of her felt bad for yelling this stuff at Peyton even though it was all in good fun. But the other part was enjoying the revenge she had never gotten

"Yea but at least we had more than sex! We are a perfect couple!" Peyton said winking at Brooke

"Right... so perfect, then why is he with me? Huh? Huh? He loves me!" Brooke yelled

"Sure he does...Hoe bag" Peyton said rolling her eyes

"He knew he had better stay away from you or your greasy hair might give him acne!"

"Alright ladies... ladies sit down and let me ask you some questions" Jerry said sitting the girls in their seats

"Now... Peytonisazombie, Tell me do you love Lucasachoke?" Jerry asked

"Yes... With all my heart" Peyton said wiping a fake tear from her cheek

"Yea... That's why you moved on so fast isn't it? Huh? Huh? Huh?" Brooke yelled

"At least I didn't offer him a threesome"

"Hey! I was just trying to fulfill his sexual needs! Guys in the audience, how many of you would turn now a threesome with me?" Brooke asked walking towards the front of the stage looking back at Lucas who was backstage bent over holding his ribs laughing.

All the guys in the audience went crazy yelling out phone numbers.

"Alright lets bring out Lucasachoke!" Jerry yelled

Lucas walked out, grabbed Brooke and started kissing her...a lot like the might they had had their first date. The audience booed him.

"Now Lucasachoke... Do you love this woman?" Jerry asked after Brooke and Lucas had been broken apart

"Yes..." Lucas said shyly. Talk shows were defiantly not his strong point. He was quiet and usually just liked to keep to himself.

"Then why did you cheat on her?" Jerry asked

"Yea... Huh? Huh? Huh? Speak up pimpy" Brooke said putting her hand on his knee to relax him

"Because I was having feelings... For... for my brother! Naeooten, and I just had to show myself that I wasn't attracted to him" Lucas said plainly

Brooke and Peyton both turned to Lucas totally shocked. They knew he was kidding but neither of them had expected that to come out of sweet innocent Lucas Scott's mouth. Brooke had to admit, part of her was starting to worry until he winked at her assuring her and Peyton both that it wasn't true

"So you got with Peytonisazombie? How was that going to help? She looks like a man in the mornings anyway so if anything that would feed your gayness" Brooke giggled not being able to help herself

"At least I wasn't the one that made him question his sexuality!" Peyton yelled

"Now Lucasachoke... Are you gay?" Jerry asked

"No... After doing some experimenting with a woman who use to be a man, I came to the conclusion that I am not gay, I am just attracted to family members"

"And is Brookkina a family member?" Jerry asked

"Not that I know of... But like she said, living in a town with Dan Scott...who knows!" Lucas laughed

"Right... well when we come back we will have some of the adults from Tree Hill... Please stay tuned" Jerry said and then they were free

"Oh My God Friend! I didn't mean it!" Brooke laughed hugging Peyton tight once they got backstage

"Same here! But I have to admit! That was awesome!" Peyton laughed

"You're telling me! I think I found my calling" Lucas said hugging both girls

"Lucas Scott talk show host... I could dig it Pimpy" Brooke laughed

"You did good out there Luke... I am very proud!" Peyton said

"Pimpy huh? Well I have to say the looks on you 2's faces when I said I had a crush on Nathan... Priceless, I wish I had it on tape... Oh wait I do!" Lucas laughed

"Yes... a tape we are going to have much fun burning" Peyton started but Karen interrupted

"Brooke Davis and Lucas Scott!" Karen yelled walking towards them

"Uh oh Pimpy... we're busted" Brooke laughed

"What on earth is going on here? This is Jerry Springer! I... I... I don't know what to say!" Karen yelled

"Yea... sorry" Lucas said

"Sorry! This has been a dream of mine forever!" Karen said hugging Lucas and Brooke

"Really?" Peyton laughed

"Yes, I can finally confront Dan about everything! Ok I have to go get ready" Karen said leaving Lucas, Brooke and Peyton standing there in shock

"Wow... out of everyone how could possibly shock me today... I didn't think it would be her" Brooke laughed

"We're back... With Debbie Scott and Karry Roe... the 2 love interest of Daniel Scott and Keithy Scott. Debbie tell us a little about the situation" Jerry said

"I have great boobs! Wanna see?" Deb asked the audience pulling her shirt up

"Put it back on, Put it back on!" The audience yelled

"Your just jealous that you don't have these great breast! I try and show them off to everyone!" Deb yelled

"Deb! That is nasty! Mine are better!" Karen yelled pulling her shirt off too

"Ladies, ladies... shirts on!" Jerry said

"Danny and Keithy are mine!" Karen yelled in Deb's face

"I think it's time we brought Daniel and Keithy out..." Jerry said

Dan and Keith walked out. Dan waving to everyone putting on a show and Keith walking quietly behind him.

"Now Danny... Tell us..." Jerry started

"My name is Danny, Danny is my name, The name of mine is Danny, You will buy cars from me, Cars of mine you will buy" Dan yelled

"Right... Then Keithy could you tell us something?" Jerry asked

"I Keithy Scott blew up a school with my fart" Keith smiled

"Right... This is why I hate having idiot adults on my show... Lets Bring out our next guest..."

"Wait! I am not finished showing everyone my nice rack!" Deb yelled pulling off her shirt again

"No you don't!" Karen yelled tackling Deb to the floor before anyone could stop her

"You... Stole... My... Boy...Friend... and... the... Father... Of... My... son..." Karen yelled knocking the lights out of Deb

"Well he loved me more whore! I rhymed!" Deb laughed

"Hey I wanna fight too!" Keith said trying to punch Dan but a man pulled him away

"Alright now that they are off stage... We have our nest guest, Halina and Naeooten. Halina refuses to have sex with Naeooten until they are married... Now Halina talk to me" Jerry said as Haley sat down

"I, Uh, I wont have sex with Nath... I mean Naeooten until we are married! Then I found him looking a porn!" Haley said giving Nathan the evil eye

"A man has needs!" Nathan yelled

"Well I have morals!" Haley cried

"Whore! Whore! Whore!" The audience yelled

"Bite your tongue!" Haley yelled back

"I am sorry Halina... I just love you so much and want to be with you and see you naked!" Nathan said staring at Haley's chest

"Well I don't!"

"Ok when we come back we have our last guest... "Jerry said getting bored with Nathan and Haley

"Ok you 2, we're short on time so we probably aren't going to finish your segment, but we will bring you out for Q & A ok?" Jerry asked sending them back stage

"Whatever..." Haley laughed

"But, but, but I wanna be on Jerry! Hey mom!" Nathan said pointing at the camera

"Nathan this isn't live! Plus your mother is naked in the dressing room fighting with Karen" Haley laughed

"Oh Right"

Jerry walked past Brooke and Lucas (Who were making out before they had to go back on) and headed back to his seat on stage.

"Ok we're back with our last guests. First I want to bring out Timmy... Timmy has been living in Glen oak with a minister and his wife for some time. Now he tells us he is madly in love with Annie and is pregnant with her baby. He just needs to get Eric out of the way...Timmy come on out" Jerry said

"Yea! Yea! What's up homies! Tim here! I am here to rock this place with my little baby Hasty!" Tim said as he walked out watching the audience Boo him

"Now Tim... You are a man right?" Jerry asked

"Yes..." Tim Answered patting his stomach

"Then how are you pregnant?" Jerry asked

"It's a miracle! I was told I could never carry a child because I was a man but God changed that and now I am" Tim cried wiping a tear from his face

"I see... and this baby is with Annie? Eric's wife?" Jerry asked

"Yes... she is my soul mate!" Tim smiled

"Alright then lets bring out Annie!"

Annie walked out on stage slowly. She wasn't dressed in anything but her normal clothes and the audience went crazy

"Hello... My name is Annie" Annie smiled

"Strip! Strip! Strip!" The audience yelled

"I beg your pardon?" Annie asked

"Now Annie... Do you love Tim?" Jerry asked

"He is a sweet sugar dumpling yes... but I love my Eric" Annie smiled

"I see...Now what do you think about the fact that Timmy is "Pregnant" with your baby?"

"Well I have 7 children already... what's one more?" Annie asked

"Ok lets bring out Eric"

Eric walked on stage smiling and waving to everyone

"Eric... How's it going?" Jerry asked

"I just finished getting stoned so it's going pretty well I have to say" Eric said smiling and shaking his head

"Really? Good for you... now what do you think of Annie?"

"She is sweet, But I love the crack and nothing else... Its what keeps me going" Eric laughed

"I take it back! I love Timmy!" Annie yelled

"He's mine bitch!" Deb yelled from back stage running out and jumping on top of Annie...Still shirtless

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" The audience yelled

"Oh My God I knew it was him jacked on up weed!" Brooke said yelled from back stage

"Well be back for Q & A in just a second!" Jerry said helping pull Deb off Annie

Everyone walked back on stage ready for Q & A.

"We're back... Now its time for the audience to ask their questions... You in the back"

"Yea... I wanna know if Brookkina can give me her number?" A guy asked

"You have to be kidding me? Not with that porn star mustache" Brooke laughed

The audience broke out in laughter

"Right next question...you there"

"I want to know why anyone would want to get with that Keithy guy... I mean he is just ugly!" A girl laughed

"Hey! I am a sexy beast!" Keith whined

"Ok last question before my final thought... you?"

"I wanna see Debbie's chest again!" A guy yelled

"Sure!" Deb smiled gladly throwing off her shirt

"Ok... now for my final thought... Don't move to Tree Hill, North Carolina if you want to stay sane"

Spoilers: Just 3 chapters left! Next chapter they head to Tree Hill for the week, Then it's the wrap up chapter and the last chapter will take place in the future a few years... who will end up with who? PLEASE review!


	14. The Pecos Man

Hey guys! 3rd to last chapter! Ok who else heard Brooke call Peyton Fake Blonde goldilocks in the premiere? How cool was that? Very... I was like OMG that's what she calls her in my story a lot... anyway I thought that was awesome. Ok short summary of this chapter...this was a true story in a way. My dad went to college in UNCW for 2 years before going to Carolina and I am sure you all know UNCW is in Wilmington and Tree Hill is Wilmington pretty much so anyway... These are actually events that happened to my dad' friends one night...

Brooke tiptoed back to her room listening to make sure Annie didn't hear her. Ever since the Jerry Springer filming Annie had been very cautious with the teenagers checking their rooms twice a night. Luckily she and Lucas had figured out the schedule so the were able to continue their nightly routine.

"Your up early..." Brooke heard a voice say from behind her. It was Nikki standing there in her nightshirt. She was a scary sight with no eyeliner; Brooke could swear that she saw the man in her.

"God Nikki! Don't do that to me! I thought you were Michael Jackson there for a minute!" Brooke jumped

"Thanks! So look Brooke, here's the thing. You and I, we have a score to settle." Nikki smiled

"Right... because the address I gave you was to that lesbian bar. But hey! I bet you fit right in" Brooke giggled

"You laugh now, you just wait. I may be more like Michel Jackson than you think" Nikki grinned walking into the bathroom.

"What is that?' Brooke thought to her self. She didn't really care what Nikki did or said. Last time she had dealt with her she had been alone and mad at the world. Now she was happy and had her pimpy by her side.

"Hey Brooke..." Haley whispered when Brooke walked into their bedroom

"Yea Tink?" Brooke asked plopping down next to her

"Wait I thought I got to be Nicole... Never mind... look I need a favor" Haley asked

"Haley how many times have I told you, I don't do sexual favors for women. I don't bend that way...But Nikki might" Brooke said patting Haley on the head

"Right, I'm crushed... now seriously I need to steal Lucas for a few days"

"Haley Tutor Girl James! I expected this of Goldilocks over there but not you!" Brooke said giving her the look.

"You know what I mean... It's just that the whole time we've been here, he and I have barely said 2 words to each other and I miss him. So I was watching TV the other day and they are having this huge water balloon contest in Los Angeles and I thought he and I would enter... I mean we are awesome at that stuff. We use to see commercials for it when we were little and would spend hours training and getting ready and"

"Stop! Are you trying to kill me because you're boring me to death! Take him... have fun just stop talking!" Brooke said pulling her hair

"Really so you don't care?" Haley said thrilled

"Why would I care, I don't own him...yet" Brooke giggled

"Thank you Brooke! And you can have Nathan for those few days...well not "have" Nathan but you know what I mean"

"Oh Joy! I can die happy now... Just please don't un-train Lucas... It took me 4 months to get him the way he is" Brooke laughed

"Right... I can't wait to tell Lucas! Is he awake?"

"Are you kidding me? I have been in his room for the past 6 hours... he's out like a light and I am getting ready to be too" Brooke said crawling into her bed

"Right... so maybe Lucas and I could get an early start tomorrow and like leave at 6:00 and then"

"Haley?" Brooke smiled sweetly

"Yea?"

"Go to bed!" Brooke yelled pulling the covers over her head.

Brooke woke up a few hours later to find a note bedside her bed from Lucas.

Cheery,

Didn't wanna wake you

Gone with Hales for a few days, be back in a week. Have fun and take care of Nathan!

Love,

Lucas aka Pimpy

She read the note over a few times before finally comprehending it. She was going to be stuck here for 7 days alone. At least she had Peyton.

"Hey Peyton, Peyton, Shirley Temple! Wake up!" Brooke yelled at the bed beside her but there was no answer... just another note.

Brooke,

Gone with Martin to the promenade, meet us for lunch if you want.

-Peyton

Brooke read the note and then decoded it. Gone with Martin to the promenade...In Peyton language meant she and Martin were off having sex somewhere. Meet us for lunch if you want... aka you come anywhere near here your dead. This was just great. Her friends boy and girl were both gone. What was a girl to do?

"Oh Tim!" Brooke yelled at the top of her lungs

"Brooke! Don't yell so loud, you could damage little Hasty's hearing!" Tim whispered walking into the room

"Right... sorry, Tim! Have your boobs grown? I think you might need to wear a bra!" Brooke said looking at Tim's clearly flat chest. It was sad that her only enjoyment now was convincing Tim to wear make-up and Peyton's B cup bras, telling him it was good for the "baby"

"You think? They have felt a little saggy" Tim said feeling his chest

"Ah! I can't do this... It's time we get out of this place, like really get out" Brooke yelled throwing a bra at him

"It's best if I don't travel" Tim said patting his stomach

"Fine...that's just fine! You know what? I don't need you anyway! My god when did my life become so sad that I needed Lucas or Peyton to have fun? Nathan and I are going to have our own fun" Brooke said seeing Nathan moping down the hall. She could tell he was totally lost without Haley

"Hey Dopey! Guess what? I'll tell ya, you and I are going to go and so something totally spectacular! Ready?" Brooke asked grabbing Nathan by the arm

"Can't... I am going down stairs to see Simon's new car" Nathan said quietly

"Right because that is going to take you all week.... Come on Nate? Remember when it used to be just you and me? We were like bestest friends!" Brooke whined

"No... we weren't, my mother use to make me invite you to my birthday parties because Peyton was coming too. And last time you and I did something spectacular together... I almost got hit by a car!"

"Your so whiney Nathan, besides it wasn't my idea to play "Lay in the road and see if the cars swerve... remember? Come on Nate! Please, please, please! I'll do anything!" Brooke begged as they walked out to see Simon's new car. It was an orange 1980 Honda Accord hatchback.

"Oh my God! Simon bought a pimp mobile!" Brooke screamed seeing the car

"It's all I could afford... Hey you guys wanna go for a ride?" Simon asked

"I do" Kevin said walking our smiling at the car

"Then I do too sexy" Brooke smiled hopping in the back seat staring at Kevin's butt.

"Me too I guess" Nathan said sitting beside Brooke.

"Simon! Nathan's breathing air!" Brooke yelled

'Well Brooke looked out my window!"

They had driven down the road a few miles when Brooke got an idea.

"You know... we have the week off... we could go on a road tip" Brooke suggested seeing how bored everyone in the car was. Sure her least road trip hadn't turned out the greatest but this one might!

"Oh no..." Simon complained

"We can't just leave" Kevin said rolling up his window making his police officer face

"Come on Kevin... You need a break. I mean you are getting ready to have a baby for god's sake! Just a few days of no worries" Brooke coaxed. She really wanted to see what this guy was really like without that whiney Lucy bossing him around all the time.

"Brooke..." Nathan whined

"Ok... Look, just stop at this store right here and let me grab a drink. You guys can think about it while I'm in there" Brooke said pointing the ABC store out to Simon.

Lucas and Haley drove towards LA.

"I'm bored Hales" Lucas complained. She had made him listen to country music the whole way there.

"Stop whining... Just think, what would you usually be doing right now" Haley asked

"Hales, I'm dating Brooke... what do you think I would be doing right now?" Lucas laughed

"Right. a certain speed hump sign comes to mind, but Luke this will be good for us!" Haley said trying to lighten his mood.

"Yea I think so too, but don't you miss Nathan a little?" Lucas asked trying to bring her mood down so she could join him in his misery.

"Yea... I am sure Brooke is taking good care of him.

Brooke flew passed the sign that said, "Welcome to Wilmington". She had been on the road with 3 guys for 3 days heading for Wilmington and she still couldn't believe she had been able to talk them into going to the Doll House.

It had all started when Kevin had found the alcohol from the ABC store and he had not been pleased. So when he wasn't looking she added some vodka to his and Simon's drink just to relax them a little and make them more fun. That was 3 days ago. Now they were all in the backseat singing their 20th round of 99 bottles of beer on the wall having them a good ol time drinking everything that had been in the ABC store bag. Meanwhile Brooke was stuck driving and not getting to drink anything.

"Ok men! New game... whoever farts the loudest gets... gets in sit up front with Brooke" Nathan said slobbering everywhere and giggling like a little girl

"How about no..." Brooke yelled from the front seat. The car already smelled bad enough since the guys had refused to shower at the hotel they had stopped at.

"Come on... Broooooooke! Don't be a party pooper!" Simon laughed

"Don't drink my beer... Look it's 12:00am guys... lets just park right here and get some sleep... ok who am I kidding you guys can sleep. I'll drink" Brooke said parking the car in the target parking lot.

Haley and Lucas parked in the hotel parking lot.

"Yea... I am sure Brooke and Nathan are just fine" Haley smiled

The next thing Brooke knew they were speeding down the road with Kevin driving and she was feeling pretty good considering all she had had to drink.

"So, where we going?" Brooke asked leaning towards the front seat

"The battleship!" Kevin giggled

"Right... This should be fun!" Brooke squealed.

"Ok... ok I have to tell you guys a story" Nathan laughed

"Not the one about you and Peyton in the trash can again" Simon whined

"No... This story is about the Pecos Man. He is a green slimy man who haunts the mote around the Wilmington battle ship. When I was in boy scouts... he came in and ate the whole den! Leaving me and Dan to fend for our selves. He is a horrible man who is friends with the screaming skull. They say anyone who goes to the battleship after hours gets eaten by him" Nathan said in a spooky voice

"That's totally not true Nate" Brooke giggled opening another Fuzzy navel bottle.

"Damn... it's locked!" Kevin complained once they drove up to the battleship

"Hello... It's 2 in the morning...Duh" Brooke laughed

"Oh well... hold on tight!" Kevin yelled plowing straight through the wooden fence.

"Woo whoo! Ride um cowboy!" Simon yelled opening his door and stumbling out.

"So... Men, what are we going to do at the abandoned ship?"

Simon, Nathan, and Brooke walked towards the ship but Kevin had other ideas. In his mind he had always seen himself as a pretty strong man and the chains hanging from t he battle ship looked like the perfect way to show everyone how strong he really was. He grabbed hold on the chain and started making his way up. He was about half way there when he looked down and saw the Alligators in the mote snapping their jaws at them.

"Hey guys... where did Kevie go?" Brooke asked tripping down the ladder to a compartment.

"He... He... He probably found a guy to make out with or something" Nathan laughed stumbling behind Brooke.

"Simon stop singing... that is a horrible sound!' Brooke screamed hearing a high pitch noise.

"That's not singing... Oh shit that's the alarm! Run!" Nathan yelled knocking Brooke on the ground

"Hey! Wait for me I'm a sissy!" Simon yelled trying to catch up

"Where is Kevin?"

Kevin dangled from the chains looking down that the water below him. He was so tired from climbing and couldn't make it any farther. Finally he had to let go.

Brooke, Nathan, and Simon jumped into the car and drove away as fast as they could. Since Simon was driving they had no clue where they would end up since he had never been anywhere around here.

"Driving, driving, driving, Applebee's has... oh wait that's ribletts...hey lets go and get some ribletts!" Nathan sang as they drove down the road

"Maybe we should go back for Kevie Doodle" Brooke yelled with her head out the window.

"Right... I'll turn around" Simon said making a sharp turn; Brooke's head just barely missing a tree.

"That was a close one!" Brooke giggled

They drove up close to the ship and got out.

"Kevin!" They all yelled

Then they saw it... a green slimy thing walking straight towards them

"It's the Pecos Man!!" Nathan yelled running back towards the car

Brooke and Simon followed close behind jumping onto the car and taking off with the doors still open

"Hey... Guys! It's just me! Kevin!" Kevin yelled trying to wipe some of the agley off of him.

But the car didn't stop. Nathan just kept driving and Kevin ran fast to catch them taking short cuts until he finally stopped in the middle of the road and waited for them to come. They couldn't miss him now.

"Nathan! Look out he's back!" Simon yelled

"Oh God... I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die ew... with Nathan and Simon" Brooke cried

"It's ok I'll just hit him!" Nathan laughed hitting the gas.

Kevin jumped out of the way into the woods and decided that maybe he should just wait until everyone was sober in the morning.

Well morning came and Brooke, Nathan, and Simon were already 6 hours out of North Carolina leaving Kevin to take the bus.

Kevin walked up to the bus station, still soaking wet and pulled out a soggy twenty to hand to the man.

"1 ticket to California" Kevin said

"You aint gonna ride on our bus like dat" The man said taking his twenty and shutting the window.

The moral of this story: Never go to the Wilmington Battleship after hours... The Pecos man may not get you but those damn chains might!

Hey Guys... Sorry for the short, kinda rushed chapter. My dad insisted that I put this chapter in my story so I did! The next chapter will be long and back to its usual funniness. Then the chapter after that is the last one!


	15. Goodbye

Ok the countdown continues! This is the 2nd to last chapter! This one will focus tying everything up and stuff like that. Then next chapter will be in t he future a few years and we can see how their lives turned out and what kind of affect living with the Camdens really had on them.

"I hate family meetings... we're not family so why do we have to come? Don't make me go Lucas... Please, pretty please, I will do anything... Why do we have to go?" Brooke whined as she and Lucas walked into the living room

"I don't know Brooke... lets think. Maybe it is the fact that you got Simon and Kevin drunk, drug them to Wilmington, and broke like 100 laws while you were down there plus you wrecked Simon's car on the way back!" Lucas laughed

"Yea... well, you lost that stupid contest!" Brooke said in her defense. She couldn't think of anything better at the moment.

"Ouch!"

"Now that everyone is here... We need to talk" Annie said forcing a smile

"You almost killed my husband and the father of my baby!" Lucy screamed in Brooke's face

"Ah! Personal space!" Lucas said sliding away from the wrath of Lucy

"So which was it? Your husband or the father or you baby because I only took one with me, you're a very cranky woman" Brooke giggled

"Woman! Is that what you think I am? Just Woman?" Lucy cried running to Eric

"I kind of thought you were a man until I walked in on you in the shower that day...Yikes, My eyes are still recovering"

"Time out...Now here is what we are going to do... It is going to be kind of like confession. You will say what bothers you about anyone who is bothering you" Annie smiled

"YAY! Ok I will go first... Lucy, you are a stubborn ugly man like daddy's girl who still cries when she doesn't get whatever she wants, Simon. You try to be cool and talk all-bad but when it comes right down to it you are just like Lucy! Eric... You are a druggie! Get help, now...Annie, you are an obsessive compulsive bitch who use to date Nikki, enough said there. Um, Martin! You are too obsessed with Peyton! No one is that hot! My god she was only an 8.6 and that was with naked pictures... I had a 9.7 with just my interests...Get a life!" Brooke smiled sitting back down in Lucas's lap. It felt good to get that off her chest

"Brooke!" Peyton yelled

"Sorry... You know the saying, Friends don't let friends date Martin"

"I thought it was Friends don't let friends date Lucas" Peyton laughed

"Yea it is! What kind of friend are you! Look who I am dating Peyton whatever your middle name is Goldilocks Sawyer! What kind of friend are you? Huh?"

"I love you too Brooke" Lucas laughed

"Sorry I was just making a point"

"Right... now that Brooke has done her ranting would anyone else like to say anything to Brooke?" Annie asked.

Brooke looked around the room giving everyone her evil eye.

"I would like to say something to Lucas... Lucas I hope that you don't marry this woman or have children with her because I don't... I don't want to live in a world with little Brooke's running around to mess up my babies life" Lucy cried into Eric's shoulder.

"Don't worry, be happy" Eric said in a daze

"Right well... Eric and I came to a decision last night. Your school has been built back and it's time that you all went back to your home. I think you have done enough damage to my family" Annie laughed angrily.

"No! If they leave I will kill myself!" Ruthie said pulling a gun out of her pocket

"What! That's crazy" Nathan laughed

"You doubt me? I will do it! Because of you people I am having sexual dreams about fish! Every time I see Mr. Bubbles our class fish I get excited and think dirty thoughts!" Ruthie yelled

"We don't want Brooke to leave" Sam cried

"We love Brooke... she showed us that boys and beer are fun" David said wiping a tear from his cheek.

"I want them to leave!" Lucy yelled

"Ruthie put that gun away, Sam and David... You like girls... not boys! Lucy, don't worry they are all leaving" Annie smiled

"Life is pointless" Ruthie cried as Martin took the gun away from her

"You all may stay 2 more nights but no more... now you had better go and get packing" Annie laughed obviously very pleased with herself.

"Fine! But when your daughter kills herself and your sons are too afraid to admit they are Gay! GAY GAY GAY GAY! Its all your fault!" Brooke yelled as Lucas drug her upstairs with Nathan's help. This was totally unfair to her. She had done nothing but help this family and here they were kicking her out! Sending her back to Tree Hill where she had nothing!

"Brooke... we can go home!" Lucas comforted

"But I wanna stay here with Goldilocks and Tinker belle! It isn't fair! We need to call Deanna and Jordan so that they can come and kill them for us and then we can live here and have 100 children to corrupt the 800 that Lucy will have and then you can get old and die and I will be left a poor beautiful widow and I will re marry to Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston's future son and it will be like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher!" Brooke cried

"Brooke... First of all you have put way too much thought into this, second of all it would be more like Annie and Tim than Demi and Ashton" Lucas laughed

"No it won't because I am not going to get old"

"Ah! Its time!" Tim yelled from the bathroom

"No! I don't want to go yet!" Brooke cried harder

"I think he means for the "baby"" Lucas laughed

Lucas and Brooke joined Tim in the bathroom where there was water all over the floor

"Tim? What did you do?"

"My water broke" Tim said holding up a busted water bottle

"You have to be kidding me!" Brooke laughed

"Ah! It hurts! I am going to die" Tim whined reaching down his pants and pulling out a chicken egg

"I didn't see that coming"

"It's almost there... come on Hasty!" Tim said patting the egg as it hatched

Out popped a little yellow chick

"Oh My God! Tim had a chicken!" Brooke squealed

"I see that..."

"Lucas! Lucas! I want chicken!" Brooke pleaded seeing how cute and tiny it was

"His name is Hasty. Hoho Anus Squeakifer Tensile Yuppie the III... AKA Hasty" Tim smiled

"Uh huh... Good thing it wasn't a real child" Brooke laughed

"What do you mean not a real child? All babies look like this until the stork comes and makes them into a real boy or girl... now if you would excuse me I need some time with Hasty here... we need to bond"

Haley sat in the boys room with Nathan folding his clothes neatly into his suitcase.

"So Haley... I was thinking, I think we should get married now" Nathan finally said after he had gathered the courage.

"Nathan... Here? Now? Why?" Haley laughed

"Because that preacher dude is so stoned he would do anything! Plus we could have sex before we leave"

"Nathan..."

"No Haley! Before you say no you just have to remember that I love you and I want to be with you forever!"

"I was going to say your flies unzipped but that is nice to know" Haley laughed

"Hales... Come on" Nathan begged

"Why not...Lets do it!"

"Do what?" Peyton asked carrying her clothes for Haley to fold.

"Haley and I are getting..."

"A fish!" Haley broke in

"Lovely... just don't get it near Ruthie" Peyton laughed

"We are! Finally! I have wanted a fish forever! Thank you Haley! You are the best!" Nathan yelled hugging Haley totally forgetting the real issue.

"Right..."

"Can we name him Sir Humps a lot Jr.? Please?" Nathan begged

"Oh but then what will Brooke and Lucas name their future son?" Haley laughed folding his last shirt and putting it into the suitcase.

"True... Then we are going to name it Sukina Weiner" Nathan said putting his foot on the floor

"What was that?" Peyton laughed

"I am putting my foot down... That's what Dan says when he does stuff"

"Ah! What am I thinking marrying this man!" Haley snorted

"What!" Peyton yelled

"Yea... we aren't getting a fish... we're getting married!" Haley laughed

"I see how it is Haley! You just don't love me enough to get me a fish!" Nathan yelled as he stomped out of the room

Annie skipped around the kitchen happily. She was finally getting her family back to normal. She couldn't wait! Her boys would be back to normal, Ruthie would get out of her punk phase and Simon would spend more time with sweet Cecelia rather than stalking Brooke and Peyton with Martin. Everything was going to be ok again!

"Hey Mrs. Doubt fire... can you throw me those cans of whipped cream?" Brooke asked

"Mrs. Doubt fire was I man... and no! It is sinful to use condiments during sex... what am I saying... It is sinful to even have sex out of wedlock!"

"Right... Actually I was going to make Lucas an ice cream Sunday..." Brooke laughed

"Oh well here.." Annie said handing them to Brooke

"Of course that Sunday is going to be on my chest but hey! Thanks!" Brooke giggled leaving Annie in the kitchen. That woman was so easy to piss off. She was really going to miss that. Of course there was always Danny boy she could make mad at home but he was nothing compared to this woman.

"Hey Pimpy! You ready for me to rock your world?" Brooke asked meeting Lucas in the hall.

"Cant... we're out" Lucas said holding up am empty condom box

"No! I swear! That is one thing I am not going to miss about this town... you can't buy anything in bulk"

"I'm gonna change your name from Cheery to Grouchy" Lucas laughed

"It's still better then Pimpy... Come on lets go tease Tim!"

While everyone else spent the day packing, or in Brooke and Lucas's case... searching everywhere for a condom that might have fallen out of the box, Haley and Nathan wrote their vowels.

"Hey Haley! How do you spell Pokemon?" Nathan yelled from the other room

"Um, Nathan I swear to god if the word Pokemon is in our wedding vowels I will call the whole thing off right there"

"What about Digimon?"

"Nathan!"

"Yugioh?"

"No Japanese animated cartoons!" Haley finally shrieked

"Ah Damn! I have to redo the whole thing now"

"I found one!" Haley heard Brooke yell

"I knew we had to have dropped one at some point"

"Looks like Brooke and Lucas are going to play a nice round of Hide and Seek..." Peyton laughed helping Tim into the bedroom

"What are you doing?" Haley asked

"Tim is sore..."

"I think something is wrong with Hasty... We wont take to my breast!" Tim cried

"Hey... I have to go and talk to Martin... Will you watch him?" Peyton begged

"Nathan and I have to finish our vowels..."

"Great! Tim can help! Have fun!" Peyton said sprinting out of the room before Haley had a chance to object

"Oh god my eyes!"

"Looks like Peyton went through the wrong bedroom... Alright Tim, Your ready for this?" Haley asked

"Isn't he beautiful? He has Annie's eyes and my mouth!" Tim cried

Peyton walked to Martin's room where he was singing under his breath.

"There's no hatin Peyton, She's the apple of my eye

There's no hatin Peyton, she is beautiful even if you aren't high

P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-Peyton!

P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-Peyton!" He sang

"Martin, we need to talk" Peyton laughed

"What about my sweet?"

"Well as you know we have to leave soon and well you and I need to cool off"

"What? Why?" Martin asked

"Because you are obsessed! You are to me like a 15 year old is to Chad Michael Murray! It's flattering but it's just too much to handle right now"

"Ok... I see" Martin smiled

"So your ok with this?" Peyton asked hugging him

"Totally... you had better go and pack"

Peyton gave him one last hug and then left the room.

"I call for the power of 3! Curse that Peyton girl I see! Make her hair fall out in places and she may see that bad looks on all the boys faces!"

"Wow... That was good! I didn't know you had it in you Broody!" Brooke giggled slipping on her shirt

"Yes... Thank you very much!"

"Are you 2 finished playing Duck and Cover?" Peyton yelled from outside the door.

"Why yes we are! Thank you for asking this time" Brooke yelled back

"Right then... Ok Haley and Nathan are getting married tomorrow before we leave... well that is if they can talk Stoner into it so you guys are invited"

"Aren't they like already married?" Brooke asked confused

"No..." Peyton and Lucas both laughed

"Well someone is..."

"What do you mean?" Lucas asked

"Yea I'm not quite sure... I'll get back to you when I know" Brooke giggled. The look of confusion on Lucas's face was classic.

"Right..."

"Oh by the way... Luke you are riding home with the boys... Peyton, tutor girl and I are leaving as we came"

"Great... Nathan, Tim and the Chicken" Lucas laughed

Everyone said their goodbyes that night. All the guns had been hidden so that Ruthie couldn't shoot herself. Brooke gave the twins each an issue of play girl and a Chippendale calendars that when they did come to terms with the fact that they were gay they would have some descent porn to look at. Annie was overjoyed with the whole situation and even gave Brooke a hug. Eric agreed to do the wedding after Brooke had slipped him a joint she had stolen from Tim. Everyone seemed pretty ok with what was going to happen now except for Ruthie who was dressed entirely in black.

"Brooke... it has been interesting" Annie said trying to force a smile

"Hell is more like it... But that's ok, I have learned a lot. Not that I listened to any of it but hey!" Brooke laughed

The next morning came early. When Brooke snuck back into the girls room Haley was already awake getting ready for her big day.

"Weren't you and Lucas out of condoms?" Haley asked as Brooke jumped into her bed

"Yes we were, and still are but we decided that we would be mature adults and go one night with out sex" Brooke smiled

"Good job Brooke!"

"Yea... we caved about 3:15 so with my luck I am probably preggers now" Brooke laughed

"Brooke!" Peyton yelled waking up

"Yea... Ok let's get you ready for your wedding tutor girl!"

After getting ready for about 3 hours they were finally ready and everyone met at the church. The wedding was small and quiet. Tim cried through the whole first half and Annie joined in at the ½ waypoint. Now it was time for the vowels.

"I Haley, take you Nathan to be my husband. I love you and will always love you. I promise to never be persnickety towards you and I will be a protudo wife" Haley smiled

"I Nathan, take you Haley to be my lover. I promise I will never cheat on you like Lucas did Brooke or become obsessed with you like Martin did Peyton. I will always choose sex with you over watching crappy reruns of Family Guy and Oh yea I love you" Nathan smiled.

"I know pronounce you Husband and Wife!" Eric yelled in joy taking a puff of his joint.

The Tree Hill kids left Glen Oak nothing like it was before. They had educated an entire town in just a few months...they themselves had changed too. Brooke was now with Lucas, Haley married to Nathan. Peyton alone, and Tim a happy father.

Spoilers: Next Chapter is the last! It will take place a few years in the future to see who everyone really ended up with... Hmmm PLEASE REVIEW!


	16. The End

This is the last Chapter! It takes place about 4 years in the future when everyone is about 21. We get to see the effect living with the Camden's really had on everyone and where they are now. I am going to do another crossover at some point I am just not sure with show OTH is going to crossover with. If you guys will leave your ideas in your review that would we great! I have really enjoyed writing this story! It has been so much fun! Thank you so much for reading it and reviewing! Hope you like this chapter!

"Brooke... Come on! We're going to be late!" Lucas yelled down the hall. She had been in the bathroom for 3 hours getting ready.

"I am coming... Your so worrisome Pimpy!" Brooke giggled walking out of the bathroom and into a bedroom.

"Brooke... The kids are already in the car waiting. They are going to die of heat exhaustion..."

"Or Allie is going to drive Austin off a cliff...Oh! Then we would be childless again!" Brooke laughed.

"Brooke... they are 3"

It had been almost 4 years since they had left the Camden's and so much had happened. Of course Brooke had ended up pregnant that night before they left, after all Lucas was a Scott. Not only had she ended up pregnant, she had had twins. Allie and Austin who were now 3 and probably the most educated 3 year olds you would ever meet. They had known about sex, beer and everything else since they day she brought them home from the hospital. She had also managed to graduate high school and was now surprisingly in Law School. Who would of thought? Lucas on the other hand was drafted for the Chicago bulls right out of Carolina, leaving them no choice but to move to Chicago with their kids. Brooke didn't mind though, Chicago had a great nightlife. Now they were headed for Glen Oak once again for Simon and Cecelia's wedding. Oh the fun Brooke was going to have with this one.

"You 2 ready to go get into some trouble?" Brooke asked Allie and Austin once she got settled in the car

"Yea!" Allie giggled shaking her head up and down making her Auburn hair swish.

"Sweeite... What has mommy told you about shaking your head like that?"

"It give her brain damage like Tim!" Austin yelled

"Right... Now, before Daddy gets out here. Do you guys remember what we talked about?"

"We tell the old lady about sex" Austin said as if it were no big deal

"And we was accidents... but good accidents" Allie added in blowing a kiss to Brooke

"Of course you were good accidents, the more people in the world like me the better! How did you 2 get so smart? Ok Daddy is coming; now at least pretend to be angels while he is with us... Kapeesh?"

"Kapeesh" The twins giggled. The defiantly inherited Brookes need for fun and sneakiness.

"Hey... You guys ready?" Lucas asked climbing into the drivers seat

"Ready to spend the next 7 days in hell and listen to them preach about how we should have just fought our urges? Sure why not"

Nathan and Haley drove down the rode heading towards California.

"Haley... we are 21 and we are married... Can we have sex now?" Nathan begged

"Nathan! I got you the fish! Be happy" Haley laughed

"You know we could just avoid all of this baby thing if we just tried to have one"

"I'm not ready to have sex! You said you would wait" Haley said playing with the baby girl in the back seat.

"Brooke and Lucas already have 2. No telling how many more they will end up with. We only have one and she was made by that fake spermination thing! I am not doing it in a cup again Haley! Not again! I couldn't drink out of one for weeks after that"

"But our one is precious and sweet and perfect and nothing like Brooke and Lucas's little perverted monsters" Haley cooed at the baby

"You don't know they are monsters... you have never seen them! I think I like the fish better than the baby. At least he does something other then shit, sleep, and eat"

"Nathan Scott! Serenity is our child how can you say that?"

"Yea... I got to name the fish too! Unlike that Serenity, why not just Mary or Lisa... Serenity?" Nathan laughed

"It means peaceful and you love her."

"Of course I love her, I'm just saying that I figured that Brooke would be the one to name her kids strange things like Sukina Weiner... Not Allie and Austin." Nathan said shaking his head. This was the same fight they had everyday.

"And I am sure Lucas had a huge part in naming those 2. Besides they don't mean anything special. Lucas and Brooke didn't even want kids. If it had been up to Brooke they would have had names like Brooke Jr. and Brooke the III" Haley laughed

"Yea, but you have to admit Brooke had become quite the mommy"

"Right because telling your children what sex is and not to have it at the age of 1 makes you a good mother"

"Well whatever your mother said to you worked because I am still not getting any!" Nathan muttered under his breath

"Hey... Just be thankful you aren't like Peyton and her hubby!"

Peyton, Jake, and Jenny, Jessie, and Josie drove into the Camden's drive way.

"Jake... All I am saying is it was ok to have Jenny with Nikki, and ok so you made a mistake again and had Jessie with Nikki, then you made one more mistake by having Josie with Nikki, but Jake come on! Not another one!"

"Peyton... she bought me the ice cream! What was I suppose to do? Say no? Turn down the ice cream? It doesn't work like that!" Jake yelled

"This will be 4 kids that Nikki has dumped on you and I! I can't take it anymore!" Peyton screamed getting out of the car.

"Aren't you going to help me with the kids? Peyton..."

Annie skipped around her kitchen with her cooking with the help of all of her Grandchildren from Lucy. There were Andy, Candy, Dandy, Mandy, Tandy, Randy, and Sandy who were 4, Tracy, Pacey, Macy, Lacy, and Casey, who where 3. Logan and Hogan who were 2 and Howard who was 1. Lucy was also pregnant again with quintuplets. She and Kevin were so happy. All of the children were very well behaved and only spoke when they were spoken too. Such a sweet family, she was so happy.

Now Simon was getting married to sweet Cecelia. It was going to be the perfect wedding. She wasn't quite sure who was coming yet because Simon was still working on the invitations but everything was going to be just perfect. Ruthie was now 19 and going to college to be a marine biologist. Her love of Fish never seemed to go away. Then there were the twins who were now 9. Such sweet boys they had turned into after those Tree Hill kids had gotten out of the picture. Of course they had to be sharing their room with all of their nieces and nephews. Life was wonderful.

"Allie, Austin... Please stop singing" Lucas said rubbing his eyes

"But we wike it Daddy." Allie said blowing him a kiss. Brooke had taught her that she could get her way with anyone just by being sweet.

"Mommy taughted us... Mrs. Landers was a health nut she cwooked food in a wock" Austin continued singing

"Mr. Harris was her boyfriend, he had a great big cock a doodle doodle" Allie giggled. The song sounded hilarious since they were only 3 and mispronouncing words left and right.

"How can you 2 remember that but you cant remember your ABC's?" Lucas asked laughing. Allie and Austin were smarter than he gave them credit for. Much like Brooke but because of their looks people judged them and treated them like idiots. Allie had long straight Auburn hair just like Brooke's with bight green eyes. She was prissy and hated to get her hands dirty. She also craved way more attention than her brother. Austin had a little darker hair with the same green eyes. He was quieter like Lucas. He thought everything out before he did it, even if it was some evil plan that he and Allie had come up with. He loved to play basketball and was a total daddy's boy while Allie was a mommy's girl. Needless to say Brooke and Lucas both spoiled them totally rotten.

"Are we there yet?" Brooke whined

"Almost...Sleep good?"

"Yes... Especially with the lovely music my babies were singing... Let me hear more" Brooke giggled

"Otay... wheres was I? Oh yea Cock a doodle doodle the Rooster just wont quit!" Allie sang out in her squeaky voice

"And I don't want any breakfast because it tasteses like Shitsitzus make good house pets" Austin giggled

"Beautiful! Make sure you sing that to all the children at the party... They will love it!" Brooke said clapping her hands.

"Buts Mommy! I not frough" Allie whined

"Ok... continue my little Mini Me"

"Balzac was a witer... He wived with Allen Funt, Mrs. Roberts didn't wike him because he was a contaminated water" Allie started

"Can really makes you sick... Your bladder gets infecidtied and blood comes out your dictate what I am saying" Austin finished

"Ah Brooke! What have you done to our sweet children who couldn't say the word animal so they called it aminal?"

"I have educated them on the finer points of certain songs. All 3 year olds know their ABC's but how many know what song huh?" Brooke asked giving Allie and Austin the thumbs up

"Just don't let them sing it near Haley... she already thinks they are evil"

"Yea, I know, she's just mad I got into law... Maybe if we get a chance we can corrupt that kid if theirs... Serendipity or whatever?" Brooke laughed

"I think its Serenity and she is like 6 months old"

"So? I had ours giving people the finger at 7..." Brooke said

"Maybe ours are just talented"

"Of course they are! Now drive faster Granny! I have to pee"

Haley and Nathan parked beside Jake and Peyton's van.

"I can't wait to see Brooke and Peyton! It's been like forever since we have seen each other face to face!"

"Yea... This brings back some memories..." Nathan laughed

"Tell me about it, God I was so wild back then"

"Hales..."

"Well I was Semi wild right?"

"Tutor girl!" Brooke squealed jumping out of the car

"Brooke! Oh My God! How are you?" Haley asked hugging her

"Great! Well other than the fact we almost got run off the road by some idiot in a green station wagon" Brooke laughed

"So where are these kids of yours?"

"Allie... Austin! Come here! Meet aunt tutor girl!" Brooke yelled at the car

"Daddy twaped us!" Allie screamed in laughter was Lucas tickled her

"Wow! She looks just like you Brooke!"

"Acts like me too! Hey baby boy is daddy torturing your sister?" Brooke asked as Austin jumped into her arms

"Wow... Brooke they are so cute! Nothing like I imagined" Haley laughed

"Of course they are cute! Broody and I made them! What else would they be? Oh my God Guess what? I'll tell ya! I got accepted to Law School!"

"You! You got accepted to Law School?" Haley asked puzzled

"Yea... apparently I am good at Law or something! Cool huh tinker belle! Where's Goldilocks?"

"She and Jake were fighting" Haley laughed

"Ah... How is Jakie Wakie?" Brooke giggled

"In hot water"

"Mommy holds me" Allie whined tugging on Brooke's legs

"That's the problem with having 2 at a time..." Brooke laughed

"Brooke!" Peyton yelled running toward Brooke and Haley

"Ah Mommy! It's grim reaper" Austin cried hiding his face in Brooke's chest

"No baby! That's just Aunt Goldilocks"

"What numbers is your hairs?" Allie asked tugging on Peyton's jeans

"Once a fake blonde always a fake blonde" Brooke laughed

"Funny... These your monsters?"

"Of course! Did their good looks give it away?" Brooke asked kissing Austin on the head

"Looks or attitude... Not sure which" Peyton laughed

"So tutor girl! Where's that baby of yours? Sarapod or whatever"

"Serenity! Nathan has her... Oh god Nathan has her! Nathan! Don't you use her as a football again! Nathan!" Haley screamed running towards Nathan and Lucas

"So Goldilocks... How's life?" Brooke asked putting Austin on the ground and hugging Peyton.

"It's life. Nikki is having another kid. They have decided on the name Jamaica. That will be Jenny, Jessie, Josie, and Jamaica" Peyton laughed

"She gave him the ice cream again?"

"Oh yea... So you and Lucas seem to have built quite a life... Sweet kids"

"Dictate whats I say cause it will bring you luck" Austin sang

"Ands if you don't wike it I don't give a flying ducks live in the water" Allie finished

"Yea... like I said sweet kids" Peyton laughed

"I love them!" Brooke giggled taking both their hands and pulling them towards the house

"So is Annie going to flip or what when she sees us!" Peyton laughed

"More like Cecelia! I can't wait to screw with their minds!"

"Oh Annie! We're here!" Peyton yelled as they walked into the kitchen.

"Oh my god! It's a sea of children!" Brooke screamed seeing Annie with all of Lucy's kids.

"What on earth are you doing here? You cannot be here! Here you can not be!" Annie cried

"What no hug?" Peyton asked

"Where did you steal those children from?"

"Yea... I didn't steal them. I had them and it was quite painful from what I remember. The drugs helped a lot though" Brooke laughed. The expression on her face was priceless!

"We know what sex is" Austin told Annie

"And we was accidents" Emma giggled winking at Brooke

"My god! I can not figure out for the life of me why god would feel it appropriate to bless you with children when we all know you are just going to fill their minds with sins" Annie cried

Everyone spent the rest of the night talking and catching up. Annie tried her hardest to sway Allie and Austin to her side scaring poor Allie to the point she wouldn't leave Brooke's side for an hour. Austin on the other hand decided that he would show some of Lucy's kids how babies were made with 2 Barbie's. Lucas and Nathan spent the night playing basketball while Haley held Serenity tightly in her arms so that Nathan could not get his hands on her. Now all they were waiting for was Simon and Cecelia to get there.

"This is taking forever! Lucas... Lets go have sex to pass the time" Brooke whined

"No Mommy! Sex is bad" Allie said pointing her little finger at Brooke

"Not for mommy's and daddy's. Don't you want a little brother or sister?"

"Brooke... give it a rest" Lucas laughed

"I see you are still trying to corrupt the world" Lucy said walking into the room

"I see you still weigh 300 pounds and look like a man... See Peyton I told you she would never be able to wear those dresses we cut up again" Brooke laughed

"I am having Quintuplets" Lucy said proudly

"Interesting... I had twins and it hurt like hell"

"Mommy said she cusseded a lot" Austin giggled

"And I almost broke daddy's shoulder again too"

"You think it is funny what you are doing to these children? Wait until one day when they hate you" Lucy said wiping a tear from her cheek

"They wont hate me! And if they do I will sue them for causing me a 48-hour labor... Right babies?" Brooke asked and the twins nodded their little heads

"See... They wont hate me. You know why? Because instead of spending all my time and energy on having more of them I spend time with them. They are happy and healthy and smart"

"My children are happy and healthy and smart!" Lucy cried

"And each about 20 pounds over weight" Brooke said smiling

"Daddy!" Lucy screamed leaving the room crying

"Don't you mean Crack daddy?" Brooke yelled after her

About 3 hours after the Lucy incident Lucas went to put their little night owls to bed while she, Haley and Peyton talked.

"So you 2 still haven't done it?" Brooke laughed

"No... I get scared!"

"Wow... Give him Nikki... She, excuse me he would do it with a wall" Peyton said rolling her eyes

"I have found when you have 2 kids it's harder to do it..." Brooke laughed

"I know! But when I tried to cook I was afraid I was going to burn down the house, especially with Nathan helping"

"Yea... Nathan is missing a few screws" Brooke giggled

"Mom! We're home!" Simon yelled from the front door

"Oh! Gotta go! My true love awaits!" Brooke said running towards the door

"What they hell are you doing here!" Cecelia screamed

"I am here to fight for my man!"

"I invited her" Simon said quietly

"Why? Why? Why would you do this to me Simon?"

"Because he still loves me and my cute butt, and because I had his babies!" Brooke laughed

"WHAT!"

"Ok That was a joke, I had Lucas's babies... But I could so have Simon's" Brooke joked. God how she had missed this.

"Hey Simon... Brooke come on" Lucas said pulling her away from the door

"But, but, but! I wanna torture Simon and Cecelia!" Brooke whined

Lucas finally got Brooke up to bed so that they could get ready for the wedding the next day. Haley and Nathan were in the room beside them with their screaming baby and Peyton, Jake, and the 3 devils were in the living room.

"Mommy! Mommy! Wakes up! We founded a chicken!" Allie giggled tugging on Brooke's shirt

"His name is Hasty!" Austin whispered

"That's nice kids" Brooke groaned rolling over

"Can we cook him?" Austin asked

"And make breakfast? Allie giggled

"I don't care... Just don't kill anyone" Brooke whispered falling back asleep

"Ok Brother... lets go" Allie said picking up the chicken by the neck.

About 10 minutes later Brooke heard someone scream from the kitchen

"Wait! You are going to kill Hasty!"

"Lucas...Lucas... Your kids are doing something bad" Brooke whined

"My kids..."

"Yea..."

Lucas walked downstairs to find Tim pulling Hasty out of the oven with a few burnt feathers.

"We was just trying to help" Allie smiled

"And he tried to bite us" Austin cried

"Tim... You still have that chicken?" Lucas asked scooping Allie up in one arm and Austin in the other.

"Yes! He is my child! Much smarter than your 2! They almost cooked him!" Tim cried kissing the chicken

"Mommy sayed we could" Austin said wrapping his arms around Lucas's neck

"Stupid Chicken" Allie giggled

"Tim... They didn't mean too. Allie, Austin tell Tim you are sorry" Lucas laughed

"We're sorry" Allie said blowing him a kiss

"That one right there has the charm of Brooke Davis... how long before she is 18 dude?" Tim asked

"Tim! That is wrong man... This is my daughter! You are not to get anywhere near her..."

"Not for me... for Hasty! He needs a woman"

"I no marry a chicken... I marry Tom Cruise" Allie giggled

"He is not a chicken! The stork just hasn't some to turn him into a real boy yet!"

"Dude... there is no stork" Austin laughed

"What have you been teaching these kids!" Tim yelled taking Hasty into the other room

"You 2 have way too much of her mother in you" Lucas laughed carrying them back upstairs

Brooke and Haley listen as Jake and Peyton went at it.

"Peyton! I'm sorry! She wasn't supposed to come"

"Bite me Jake!"

"I did last night remember!"

"Well lets do it again!"

"What are you guys doing here?" Martin asked walking up beside them carrying a doll that looked just like Peyton

"Listening to Jake and Pey... Oh My God you made a sex doll of Peyton!" Brooke squealed

"I did not!" Martin said hiding the doll

"Yes you did! Dude that is gross!" Brooke giggled

"Haley... could you tell her"

"Sorry Martin...that looks an awful lot like Peyton!" Haley agreed

They spent the next few hours getting ready for the wedding.

"Great! Now Hasty is going to be too brown to wear his tux!" Tim complained

"He is a chicken!" Allie giggled

"You no dress a chicken" Austin agreed

"That's right... let's see if you two can talk some since into him, Now Allie, Austin look at Mommy. I may do some slutty things at this wedding just to make Simon squirm but I don't mean any of it ok? I love daddy..." Brooke laughed

"Ok" Both kids agreed

"Brooke!" Sam yelled

"It's Brooke" David repeated

"Wow... you 2 have grown up a lot!" Brooke said in amazement seeing the boys

"We are 9" Sam said proudly

"Yea 9" David repeated

"And still copying each other..." Brooke laughed

"Mommy says we have too"

"Yea mommy says we have too"

"Hello boys" Allie said blowing them a kiss

"Sorry... we only like boys"

"Yea Sorry"

"I knew it! You are gay!" Brooke giggled. She had always had a pretty good gaydar. But that was amazing she had been able to tell with them at such a young age

"Don't wook at me" Austin said hiding behind Brooke

Everyone piled into the church. Brooke made sure she, Lucas and the kids sat front and center so that she would make Simon as uncomfortable as possible.

Eric walked out to his podium smiling, obviously totally stoned.

"Everyone welcome... we are gathered here today to celebrate a life lost" Eric started

"Dad... Its not a funeral!" Simon whispered

"Right! I totally knew that... We are gathered here to celebrate the marriage of Matt and Lucy"

"Simon and Cecelia" Simon whispered

"Right..."

They sat in the church for 3 hours listening to Eric get the names and words wrong. The whole time Brooke winked at Simon making faces telling him to call her when it all when to hell. Finally Eric finished and Simon kissed Cecelia. They all walked to the fellowship all for the reception and Annie stopped Brooke with Allie and Austin.

"Can we talk?" Annie asked pulling them to the side

"Oh God" Brooke whined

"I was thinking last night and I have 2 questions I would like to ask your kids" Annie smiled

"Whatever..."

"Alexandra, Austin Do you love your mommy?" Annie asked kneeling to the children's level

"Yes" They both giggled at the same time

"Why?" Annie asked

"Because she plays with us!" Allie laughed

"And she kisses out boo boo's and makes them bwetter" Austin said showing her his scraped knee

"And she makes monsters go way from my cwloset" Allie said

"And she stays home all days with us when we are sick"

"Thank you" Annie said smiling and standing up to face Brooke who was standing there in total shock.

She knew her kids loved her but she didn't know that was why. She had always figured it was because she bought them stuff and taught them dirty songs.

"You see... You are more like me then you think. I remember when we met you said you would never have kids or be like me. Here you are with 2 kids who love you for all the right reasons. That girl I met 4 years ago would have never done any of those things that your kids said about you" Annie said hugging Brooke

"Ah Personal Space!" Brooke laughed stepping away

"You know what I mean" Annie smiled

"Yea I think I do... Now lets go get slobbering drunk and have us a party! Allie, Austin... Who wants some whine?" Brooke asked grabbing their little hands and pulling them towards the party.

"Wait! You can't give those children Whine! That is so sinful! Brooke!"

The End

Thank you all for reading! I enjoyed writing this so much! I hope you liked it! Please review and let me know what my next one should be!


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